Page 163 of Something Rad
I storm forward, grabbing two fistfuls of Paul’s shirt and dragging him forward and up until he’s practically nose to nose with me. “Finish that sentence about my girlfriend and you’ll have no more fucking teeth in your useless mouth to talk with.”
Paul’s lips slowly spread into a smile. “Your girlfriend didn’t find my mouth that useless just a few minutes ago, pal.”
I let out a growl, yanking him up harder, stretching out the material of his shirt. I think about hitting him. I think about making him look as stupid as I fucking feel right now. But then I remember the girl that’s out in my car waiting for me. And none of the other stuff seems to matter right now. “Enough,” I grit, releasing Paul and shoving him away from me.
I turn around, straightening my jacket out and making a beeline for the door, the crowd parting like the Red Sea as I do so.
Denise attempts to step in my path, her fingers grazing the side of my forearm as I pass her. “Robbie–”
I snatch my hand away, not looking at her. “No.”
I don’t stop until I’m out the door and the cool night air hits my face.
thirty-three
SARA
I’m already sitting in the Camaro when I hear the driver’s side door open and Robbie settles into his seat. I’m not watching him, but I can sense his movements behind me as I stare intently out of the passenger side window and chew on my bottom lip with everything in me. It’s starting to hurt, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I stop. I’ve had equal urges to scream, cry, and puke since I got in the car and finished cleaning up the murder scene that was my red lipstick smeared all over my face. Since the moment reality really hit.
I knew I had to leave. I knew I couldn’t stay a single more second at that party, but I’m not sure why I didn’t take a moment to comprehend the alternative. At least at the party, I could have run to the bathroom for a breather and then sunk in amongst the crowd once I was ready. I could’ve hunted down another sweet drink to warm my skin and settle my nerves.Heck, I could have even snuck out the back door and made a run for it if I really wanted to.But, no. I didn’t choose to do any of that. I didn’t take a moment to weigh my options. And now I’m sincerely regretting it as I’m finding myself enclosed in a metal box with just the person I’d like to be around the least right now.
Robbie’s door slams closed harshly, and the way it makes me flinch seems to perfectly represent the jarring shove I am given back into reality. The one where I’m reminded of the last hour of my life. Of how I spent it and who I spent it with. Of what I did. Of what I allowed to happen. As I feel my cheeks bloom with heat, I force my already strained neck to rotate even further away from Robbie, making my head almost completely parallel with the passenger side window.
Between the dark night and the lights lining the street, I unfortunately have a pretty clear reflection of Robbie to look at in the glass. I pray he doesn’t have an equally clear reflection of me, but that fear fades quickly when I don’t see any indication on his face that he does. He’s too preoccupied looking between the back of my head and at his lap, his jaw working. My eyes are drawn to his lips, still the faintest stain of red across them. Goosebumps prickle across my skin at the reminder that I put that there. Then they quickly fade away, the prickling sensation transferring to my stomach in the form of nausea at the image of him wiping his mouth just after.
Wiping away what we just did. What just happened between us. Like the remnants of my kiss on his lips was the same as a bug on his shoe. I’m not sure I’ve ever been more mortified. I’m still trying to process how we even got to that point. What could have possibly led us there.
I sense movement and allow my eyes to refocus on Robbie’s reflection. His body is turned in my direction, his brows pulled together. Time seems to slow down for a moment as I watch his lips part and see him raise his hand as if he’s about to touch my shoulder and say something. But something stops him. He freezes in place for a long few seconds, his eyes boring into the back of my head. I swear I can feel the heat of them. But then, all at once, he pulls away, dropping and shaking his head as he turns the key in the ignition with a heavy sigh. I use the cover of the engine roaring to life to let out a shaky breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. I shake my own head now, forcing myself to focus on the now moving view outside of my window.
I knew coming to the party was a bad idea. I knew continuing our entire charade longer than necessary was an ever worse idea. But, for some reason, I ignored that little voice in the back of my head telling me that. Now that I think of it, I’m pretty sure I’ve been ignoring it since the moment Robbie first spoke to me back during his first detention shift in the library.
How could I be so stupid?
I know I’m a lot of things, but I take pride instupidnever being one of them.
I try to pinpoint when exactly it was this evening that my common sense went out the window. I try to pretend for a second that it could be a number of things. The stress of my upcoming scholarship application due date. The pressure of all the eyes on me. The two wine coolers I drank that made my brain just a fraction fuzzier than usual.But, no. I can’t lie to myself. I know exactly when it was. The moment Denise kissed Robbie, it was gone. My common sense was simply nowhere to be found. It wassomisplaced that I threw myself at Paul Strothers. So far gone that…Ialsothrew myself at Robbie Summers.
I kissed Robbie Summers.
It feels like my brain and guts have simultaneously been put into a blender as I try to mentally unpack that.
I was soangryat him.
As much as I would never admit it out loud, and especially not to him, it infuriated me to see Denise touching him. To see him touchingher.
I had no right to be infuriated. He was more hers than he would ever be mine.
Right?
I don’t know.
But what I do know is that the moment an opportunity presented itself to prove I couldn’t care less (and maybe…just maybe…to see if I could get an equal rise out of him), I took it.
Was it worth it?I ask myself, knowing I don’t have an answer.
I run my fingers over my lips.
I kissedRobbie Summers.
