Page 179 of Something Rad
“You’ll get it,” I told her. “I know you will.”
“I hope so. I really do…” she trailed off, and the line went silent for a few long seconds.
“Cooper?”
“Yeah?”
“Just making sure you’re still there,” I said. “Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?”
Cooper laughed, clearly caught off guard by my question. Honestly, I think I was as well. I don’t even remember choosing to ask her that question. I think, secretly, I just didn’t want her to hang up yet.
“I don’t really believe in those,” Cooper said.
Of course she doesn’t.
“Fine. Then tell me a wish instead.”
“Awish?” she echoed me. “Like, a New Year’s wish? Is that even a thing?”
“It is now,” I declared.
“Hmmm…”
“C’mon, you can wish for anything,” I pushed. “What about a new car?”
“Why would I need that when I have the school bus and you to drive me around anywhere I need to go?”
I chuckled. “Fair enough, Cooper. What else then?”
“I’m not sure…”
“ATop Gunsequel?” I suggested.
Cooper barked out a laugh. “They would never do that.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I agreed. “Then what’s it going to be?”
“I…” Her voice faded out, and I waited several seconds for her to continue. “Robbie, I just wish–” She was cut off suddenly, a voice sounding in the background that I assumed was her mom. “Hey, I’m sorry, but I have to go. My mom needs my help with something.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “Yeah.”
“Happy New Year, Robbie,” she said. Then, before I could say anything else, she hung up the phone.
I never got to hear her wish, and it’s been eating me up inside ever since. I want to hear what she was holding back from me, what was causing her hesitation and the strain in her voice. For some reason I can’t explain, something in me tells me that whatever it is that she wants, it’s up to me to make sure she gets it.
I know Cooper still doesn’t trust me, not fully at least. And I can’t even say I blame her. Half the time, I don’t trust myself. I’ve never committed to anything in my life, never put every ounce of myself into something. I’ve always held back, keeping myself at an arm’s length. I think part of me knows the truth about why that is. That I always figured if I didn’t allow myself to care, if I didn’t let myself put my all into anything, I couldn’t truly disappoint anyone.
I mean, you can’t fail at something you don’t really attempt, right?
But, as much as it might secretly scare the daylights out of me…I know I can’t fight it any longer. I wannaattemptCooper…in whatever capacity she’ll let me.
I still don’t have a damn clue what I’m doing with my life, or what my future looks like. But all I know is, right now, I just wanna do whatever gets me more time with Sara Cooper. I still don’t think I’m good enough for her. I still don’t think I can give her what she wants in life. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try. Whatevertryinglooks like for me.
In all honesty, I’m not sure that I’ve ever really had to do it before.
But I’ll just handle it the way I handle everything in life. One step at a time.
I turn the corner, and am startled when a hand immediately claps my shoulder. I shove my headphones off my head, returning to the real world as I find several of the basketball guys in front of me, Billy being the one that grabbed me.
