Page 199 of Something Rad
“I think it does,” I insist.
“Why?”
“Because, Alice,” I say, raking a hand through my hair. “It’s just the way it’s meant to be.”
“Says who?” she asks.
“I…I don’t know,” I stammer. “But, come on. You know I’m right. Me and him…we were never meant to be together. Hell, we weren’t even meant to befriends. Much less something more. We’re two very different people from very different worlds…with very different paths.”
It occurs to me now, for the first time, that I had never really taken the time to picture a future for me and…you know who. It was like I had a mental block that prevented me from even going there, from even imagining the possibility. But now that I let myself, the whole picture becomes even more clear.
I’m leaving. I’m going to NYU…hopefully. And, even if I don’t get in, I’d spend every waking moment this next year getting the best possible grades I could at our local community college and working at Groovy Movie to reapply for the scholarship the following year. This is my dream. It’s what I’ve always wanted. It’s not something I could imagine letting go for anything… Much less a boy.
And when it comes to him…I have no idea what his future holds. What his next steps after high school will be. And I know he doesn’t either. That’s a huge reason why we even found ourselves in this situation in the first place. And, honestly, that’s fine. Lots of people don’t have a clear picture of what they want to do after they graduate. A lot of people don’t have any idea what they want in life. A lot of people are fine to just go with the flow and figure it out.
But I’m not one of those people.
And the last thing I need is the distraction of one of those people holding me back. And I’m sure the last thing he needs is the pressure of someone like me pushing him to be someone he just simply…isn’t. Someone he doesn’t want to be. That’s not fair. Everyone deserves a choice. We’ve both made plenty of our own. I can’t say I’m one hundred percent happy with every single choice I’ve made…but at least they were my own. They’ve always been my own. I’ve always been in control. I’ve alwaysfeltin control.
Except for when I’ve been with him.
And I’m not sure how I feel about that. I think I don’t like it. I think it feels dangerous. I think it serves to threaten every single thing that I’ve worked for and I think that…there’s just no way that it can be worth it.
“It’s just the way things are,” I say, finally finishing my thought. “The way they’ve always been. And I think that’s for a good reason. No matter what I may feel…I need to do what’s right, what’s smart.”
Alice’s eyes shift between each of mine, a sigh slowly escaping her. “Okay,” she says. “If it’s what you think is best.”
I bob my head in a sort of nod.
“I just want you to be happy, Sara. Even if that doesn’t mean always doing what’s smart. Just…sleep on it, okay? Don’t be so quick to let a good thing go just because it might not be the easiest thing.”
“When have I ever been one to take the easy route?” I question her, oddly defensive over that particular comment.
“Exactly,” she smiles.
I purse my lips at her, annoyed to have fallen in her trap.
“Look, I meant what I said,” Alice tells me. “I support you. But I’m also going to be watching you. If I see your sparkly new glow rapidly declining, we’re going to have another talk.” She points a finger at me and I roll my eyes.
“Deal,” I say.
Alice opens her mouth to say something else, but that is the exact moment my mom decides to burst back through the door, her work uniform dress swishing around her thighs. “So, sorry about that. Telemarketers,” she grumbles. She starts to shake her head, but then she catches sight of me and Alice and the position we’re sitting in. “Oh, no.” Her spine straightens. “What’s the matter? What’s with the serious faces?”
“Sorry, Miss Sherri,” Alice responds immediately for the both of us. “Nothing too major. Just boy trouble.”
My head snaps in Alice’s direction, but she doesn’t catch my heated gaze before my mom is already replying to her.
“What’s going on with Daniel?” she questions her.
“Oh, nothing.” Alice shakes her head. “It’s Sara–”
My mom lets out a gasp. “Sara, you have aboy?”
I could launch myself at Alice right now, and I think she knows that, realizing now that she’s definitely said too much.
“No, Mom,” I insist. “Really, I don’t.”
My mom doesn’t look like she believes me for a second, her eyes shifting over to Alice. She keeps her gaze on her, raising her brows when I don’t say anything more.
