Page 259 of Something Rad
“It came down to decimals.”
“What did?” Jesse asks.
Say it.
“You both have worked very hard and should be extremely proud. I know you both have been accepted to universities and made future plans, so it’s really just semantics at this point.”
“Just say it.”
Both sets of eyes in the room find me. Principal Whileyman blows out a breath. “Sara, Jesse has overtaken your grade point average. He’ll be our valedictorian. You’ll be our salutatorian.”
I blink back at him, the air in my lungs feeling like it’s been sucked out. “Okay,” I breathe.
Jesse shifts forward in his seat next to me, the new information seeming to have just sunk in for him. “Wait, what?Really?”
I’ve already zoned out, their voices becoming muffled around me.
“Yes, Mr. Lamonte. Congratulations.”
“I… Thank you, sir,” Jesse says, shaking his head. “But, I just don’t understand how. When we checked ranks after the holiday break…I just didn’t think there was any chance.”
I notice Principal Whileyman’s head shift in my direction, but I don’t meet his eyes. “Like I said, it was only by a fraction after some fluctuations in this final grading period.”
Fluctuations.
As in, me, for once in all of high school, taking a month or so to somewhat slack off. To not have school be my sole focus. To allow myself to let loose and not fixate on each and every class assignment being finished ahead of time and without a single error. To trade a few of the hours I would normally spend poring over books and cramming for exams for, heaven forbid, spending some time with my boyfriend.
And, just like that, four years of work, four years of late nights and weekends spent inside, four years of sacrificing fun and exploration for stability and accomplishment, gone.
I grind my teeth together, forcing a smile on my face.
“Was there something else, Principal Whileyman?” I ask. “Or can I be dismissed?”
“That’s all, Ms. Cooper. Thank you for coming in. And congratulations.”
I don’t feel anything as I robotically stand from the chair and make my way out of the office. It’s not until I am stepping back into the hallway that I think I really let what I just learned sink in, and when it does….
I burst out laughing.
Because, really, it’s kind of hilarious when you think about it.
What was even the point?
I cover my face with my hand, the chuckles not stopping.
A voice in the back of my head tries to chime in, telling me that Mr. Whileyman was right when he said it didn’t really mean much at this point. Telling me that my good grades and (former) valedictorian status got me admitted to NYU. That even if Jesse just managed to pass me up at the last second, it doesn’t discount all of my hard work and success. That I can’t possibly say it was all for nothing.
But I ignore that voice. Because, right now, it sure feels that way. Right now, when I know I’ve truly enjoyed the last month of my high school experience more than I ever enjoyed any of the rest of it, it’s difficult to not kick myself for my actions. For staying in the comfort of my little bubble, studying and scribbling about in my journal for so long when I could have been putting myself out there. When I could’ve been living a balanced life like every other high school student. When I could have been having fun.
Like Robbie.
“What’s so funny?”
I tilt my head up, finding Robbie standing to my side. It’s so automatic when I reach up, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his face down to mine. I kiss him for a long time. I’m not sure really how long, but Robbie is the one that eventually stops it, pulling back from me.
“What was that for?” he asks, lips and eyes glossy.
I shrug. “Just wanted to.”
