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“I did! I said I would.”

“In the heat of the moment. And I’ve not seen you nor heard from you in months. What was I supposed to believe?”

“My words.”

“I did, for a while. Then I began to more believe your actions, or the lack thereof.”

“I don’t say anything I don’t mean. I never have. And I never meant to disappoint you, or push you to think ill of me. And I’vealready said these things, we discussed this. I let you know that I wanted to speak to you, to see you. But that I knew you were protective of your position here and were afraid of how word of our time spent together would affect it, so I didn’t try to contact you.”

“Then why is this situation any different to you? It’s not different to me.”

“Because I introduced you to Quin, to Vivian. I let it be known that you are someone who is very special to me. You were okay with that.”

“With your people. But when it comes to letting down those that depend on me, I take issue with it. And that’s what I did. I forgot my place and I didn’t perform as was expected and I can’t have that happen. And when I tried to tell you what I was feeling, you became cold and distant. Then you became angry and wouldn’t even look me in the eye.”

“Because I was hurt. I was angry. And your attempt to explain anything seemed like nothing more than an oh, crap, everyone is going to find out I was with Bart. That’s humiliating.”

“I was nervous. I’d failed in my duties. I was late for my usual scheduled meetings. I was late to deliver breakfast to my Sovereigna! No one had even learned of our association and I was already making mistakes. I was very disappointed in myself and in the situation I’d created. I never once said I was disappointed in you.”

“But you were, weren’t you?” Bart asked.

“No. I was not. I was afraid of where our time together would leave me, but I wasn’t disappointed in you. I knew you just didn’t understand. But I also knew that I was out of time. I had to address what was most evident first, then later all I had to do was to explain my thoughts to you and you’d understand. Even if you didn’t agree with them, you’d understand. But you didn’t give me the opportunity! Which is why I’m here now, sneaking through someone else’s quarters like they haven’t been assigned to anyone.”

Bart stood his ground sullenly, eating some of his tray as he looked her in the eye, weighing her explanation. Finally he shook his head.

“What? What does that mean?” she asked.

“I’m sorry. I felt like a dirty little secret. I was proud to have you stand beside me, even if it was just here in my family’s quarters. It hurt when you seemed angry to have anyone, even my own father, witness you as you tried to sneak away.”

“I’m sorry. I should have handled it better.”

Bart half-heartedly lifted a hand and waved her apology away. “Don’t be. I should have been more understanding. Instead I was caught up in my own emotions and didn’t stop to consider that you were dealing with your own emotions as well as dealing with a possible fallout from your coworkers and possibly even your livelihood.”

“Why didn’t you realize then what it could have possibly cost me?”

“You said you’d admitted to Eula that you were interested in me. But then suddenly you were acting like it was a secret. I didn’t know what to think.”

“I did, but I didn’t go too fully into detail with just how advanced our relationship had gotten. It was apparent that I was taken with you, and you were interested in me, but exactly what and whether it would lead anywhere were never addressed.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“I do. I should have understood as it was happening. Instead I was offended. I assumed you knew what I was feeling. We discussed it.”

“I’m a servant, Bart. A ranking one, yes, but still, a servant in the palace where you’re a guest. Where members of your family are among the royals who live here. You said sweet things last time you were here as well. Then you left. I did what we discussed — I took it a day at a time until I saw its path. Then I let go of the hope I held. When you returned and showed renewed interest I was flattered, and I wanted so badly your pretty, promising words to be real, but the only thing I had tocompare them to were the words you spoke last time you left, and the silence that followed. Whatever happened between us, I accepted knowing that it might be no more than a few stolen moments, but I wasn’t ready to advertise it to any others in the palace. Not until I knew for sure.”

“I’ve never considered not returning to you. I have responsibilities to tend to as well. They rival those of your Sovereign, I dare say, and more. But I never considered not returning. It wasn’t if, it was when. When is now, Mirilla.”

Mirilla’s brows rose in surprise.

“You matter to me. You make me happy. You make me feel. It’s been a very long time since anyone has been able to make my emotions come to life. Instead, I operate like a robot. Regulations. Laws. Requirements. Contracts. Demands. Concessions. I never saw you as a servant. I saw you and still see you as an equal. So what if you have a job in the palace, and thank God that you do, because without it I may never have had the opportunity to meet you.”

“You matter to me, too. I should have given you more credit than I did. I should have taken any opportunity to spend time with you, regardless of what others might think. Respect is just so hard won here that I was trying to hold on to both.”

“You are respected. You’ll be respected no matter what.”

“One can hope,” she said.

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