Page 106 of The Gin Lover's Guide to Dating

‘I heard that… you… that you were… I can’t say this… I don’t want to upset you…’

‘OK, fine. I’m going to leave.’ I stand up, pushing back my chair noisily, causing a few people to look over.

My mum cowers away from the attention.

‘Please. Don’t go,’ she pleads with me. ‘I’ll say. I’ll tell you.’

‘Last chance.’ I sit back down and look at her expectantly.

‘I heard… I heard that you had lost your job. And that you were losing your apartment,’ she gabbles.

‘Who told you that?’ I ask. ‘Why wouldthatsuddenly make you turn your life around? You never bothered when I really needed you. When I was a kid.’

‘I know. I was… your dad… he made things…’

‘Thatmanhas been dead for nearly five years. You can’t go using him as an excuse – not anymore.’

‘I know… I know that.’ My mum starts to rock back and forth, my confrontational approach evidently too much for her to cope with.

‘OK.’ I soften my tone slightly, deciding that if she’s going to relapse back to the drink, I don’t want to feel any responsibility for that. ‘So, you heard I hit a difficult patch. Why did that suddenly make you want to turn your life around?’

‘Because…’ She continues to rock, but it slows. ‘Because… I… realised that you’d rather be on the streets than with me.’

I stare at her for a moment. ‘Dylan told you that.’

‘Umm… yes… but it’s not his fault… he… I wanted to know. I’ve been wanting to change. I’ve tried, Liv. You haven’t seen it, but I’ve tried before.’

‘How long have you been sober?’ I ask.

‘Ten weeks.’ My mum dares a weak smile. ‘I have an Alcoholics in Recovery coach. She’s really good. I think I might make it this time, Liv. I’ve cleaned up the house and I’ve even just got a part-time job in a school canteen.’

‘Wow, Mum.’ I can’t help but be mildly impressed by this. ‘Thatisgood. Well done.’

‘Thanks.’ She almost looks proud for a moment. ‘I decided that if you were going to need a home, I would make one for you this time, just… just in case you might…’

Hearing these words, I realise this is indeed a changed woman in front of me. After years of abuse, and a distinct lack of enthusiasm for anything but the bottle, she’s finally making an attempt at life. How do I let her down gently? So that it doesn’t send her careering back down that perilous slope?

‘Mum, look.’ I clear my throat awkwardly. ‘I appreciate what you’ve done. I really do. And I think you need this for you – more than you do for me. But I’m not going to come back and live with you..’

‘Oh, OK.’ My mum’s face falls.

‘Don’t do that.’ I grimace. ‘You don’t want me back in the house. You just think you do. We barely even know each other now, Mum. I’m not homeless – not technically. My apartment’s gone, yes, but I’m staying with a friend, and I’m self-employed now. I’m going to be fine.’

‘That’s good.’ My mum’s face is still one of bitter disappointment.

This tugs at me in a way I would never have expected.

‘Tell you what,’ I say. ‘How about I visit from time to time?’

‘You will?’ She looks up at me, eyes full of hope.

‘Yes, but on one condition only.’ I look her straight in the eye. ‘You stay off the drink.’

‘I will, Liv. This time, I promise.’ She makes every effort to hold my gaze.

‘You won’t be able to hide it from me.’

‘I know.’

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