Page 40 of Take a Moment

I start to laugh myself, then glance across at Danielle, who looks less than happy that I’m engaging in such easy banter with Dhruv.

‘I’ll go and help Emmanuel with the drinks.’ I climb out of my seat and head for the bar.

As I walk inside, I’m engulfed by upbeat music, loud voices and the sweaty humidity from a bar packed with people who’ve been stuck in the office all day. I carefully pick my way across to where Emmanuel is patiently waiting to be served. It’s so busy, the queue is three people deep and she’s still at the back. I touch her on the arm and she turns and gives me a little wave.

‘I thought I’d come and give you a hand.’ I have to raise my voice to be heard over the noise.

‘Thanks.’ She does the same in return. ‘This might take a while.’

‘In that case, I’ll just nip to the loo. Back soon.’

Emmanuel signals her understanding as I turn in the direction of the ladies’ toilets. Weaving my way across the busy bar, I feel a tap on my own shoulder. Assuming I’ve inadvertently stood on someone or knocked their drink, I turn round ready to apologise. But instead of an angry punter, I find myself face to face with Matt from the train. Gorgeous Matt, who, despite being someone I can’t date, gives me a heartstopping moment the second we make eye contact.

‘Oh… hi.’ I smile at him awkwardly. ‘Fancy meeting you here. Wouldn’t have thought this would be your regular after-work haunt.’

‘It’s not.’ His dark chocolate eyes feel like they’re boring through to my soul, searching for answers as to why I didn’t get in touch. ‘But my factory’s local is full of old men talking about horse racing and playing card games. Not really my scene. We – the younger crowd – prefer to come into the city centre. Plenty of good places around.’

‘Fair enough.’

He watches me for a moment. ‘You never called.’

‘No, I didn’t, did I.’ I cringe a little.

‘Find yourself another tour guide?’

He looks a mixture of curious and slightly hurt. I’m unsure whether this is just a joke, or whether he’s asking if I’ve met someone else. He’s certainly a bit more forthcoming today than he was on the train platform. I eye the pint in his hand, wondering how many he’s had.

‘I… err… no. Just found my own way around.’ I look around me uncomfortably. ‘It’s been a busy few weeks with getting settled, you know how it is.’

‘I guess I do.’ He seems to read an unintentional hidden message in my response. ‘Well, I won’t keep you.’

‘OK, sure. See you around.’

I feel guilty but also mildly relieved that I can continue on my way. I glance at him as I move away. He simply shrugs, a defeated look on his face, and turns back to his workmates. By the time I reach the toilets, I feel a bit flustered. How did that even happen? I’d assumed I’d never see Matt again – Birmingham is supposed to be enormous, after all.

I lean on the sink, gazing at my reflection in the mirror, as I try to calm myself. So I bumped into a guy I dissed. So what? It’s not like that hasn’t happened before. What’s wrong with me? Actually, I know what’s wrong with me. If this had been before I got ill, I would have called him. We would’ve gone out on a date and who knows what might have happened next. What’s wrong with me is that I didn’t call Matt, not because I didn’t like him or because of my recent break-up, but because of my MS. Because it would have ended badly. Again. If he knew the truth, he’d be glad of that fact. My fall outside earlier is proof of that. Much as it tears me in pieces to admit it, my body just can’t keep up with my aspirations and desires. I may have found a good enough compromise with my career, but men and dating, that’s a different playing field altogether.

I stare at my reflection for a few moments longer, as if challenging it to disagree with me, then I let out an exasperated cry at the injustice of it all and head for one of the cubicles.

Returning to the main bar, I weave my way back through the groups of punters, this time taking a different route so I don’t bump into Matt again. Reaching Emmanuel, I can see that she’s now being served, so I excuse myself to the other people queueing as I slide my way through towards her.

‘Can you grab these?’ She hands me my drink and two bottles of beer, which I take by their necks in my other hand.

As we manoeuvre our way back out from the bar, I involuntarily stop and glance over to where Matt and his workmates are standing, immediately picking him out from the group. Sensing my eyes on him, he looks over and his eyes lock on mine, causing my stomach to perform a double backflip.

‘Is that someone you know?’ Emmanuel’s eyes follow my gaze. ‘He’s very handsome.’

‘Oh… err, yeah. Sort of.’ I drag my eyes away from Matt and focus my attention on her. ‘Just someone I met on the train.’

‘He looks like someone I’d be more than happy to meet on a train. Or any form of public transport, though don’t tell my husband I said that. Are you going to meet him again in anyothercircumstances?’

‘No.I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

‘All right… sure. That’s your prerogative.’

Emmanuel’s eyes narrow slightly and it’s clear she’s trying to read what’s really going on. Uncomfortable about taking the conversation any further, I look away and start making my way through the crowded bar again.

Chapter 15

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