Page 81 of Take a Moment

‘We, Alex, are Capital Parade.’ Sammy puffs his chest up proudly.

‘Ilovethat. Thank you for having me.’

As Sammy joins the other band members to continue the bottle-clinking, Matt squeezes me round the waist. ‘I’m so pleased you’re in. For you, because you should be making the most of that voice. But also because I can be your groupie. I can run you to rehearsals if you like.’

I’m simultaneously relieved by this offer and filled with a rising excitement. But it sinks like a lead weight the moment I realise something: have I just inadvertently signed up to a future with Matt? If so, what does that mean for me and Dom? And has this decision to join the band and accept lifts to rehearsals been too premature, given we’re only on date three and he doesn’t know who I really am?

Chapter 27

Over the next few weeks, I manage to successfully juggle the three main elements of my new life in Birmingham: my revitalised career; my utterly delicious, blossoming romance with Matt, which has now moved through all the bases (and to be clear, I don’t mean we’ve been playing baseball); and weekly rehearsals with one of the city’s hottest semi-pro bands. It’s a near perfect picture, apart from three other things: my MS, which is like an unwelcome shadow, though I try to ignore it and continue swimming a couple of times a week as a way of managing my fatigue; the fact that I haven’t yet told Matt about either my MS or about Dom; and knowing that Dom, back in Glasgow, is waiting for an answer.

On the night of my debut appearance with the band, I’m in the ladies’ toilets of a trendy venue off New Street – nerves cutting through me like a street drill – when it all finally catches up with me. My throat starts to tighten, my breathing becoming shallow and strained. My brain simply cannot cope with the emotional complexities of my personal life, alongside this imminently terrifying experience of walking out on stage in front of hundreds of people. Unable to get my breathing under control, I pull my phone out of my handbag and dial Sasha.

‘Hi, you.’ Her bouncy tone carries down the line like a soothing tonic. ‘I thought you’d be on stage by now, taking Birmingham by storm.’

I manage a strangled laugh. ‘I’m due on in fifteen minutes… supposed to be warming up but instead I’m hiding in the toilets. I’m totally freaking out, Sash.’

‘Oh, honey, you’ll be fine. You’ll be amazing. I know it must be nerve-racking but—’

‘That doesn’t even begin to describe it. I don’t think there’s a word to express how I feel right now. Frightened… terrified… petrified. None of them seem close. And to top it off, my mind has gone into overdrive over all the other stuff I’m trying to work through.’

‘You mean the Matt versus Dom showdown.’

‘Interesting description. But, yes. That and the fact that Matt still doesn’t know about my MS. Or Dom.’

There’s a short pause at the end of the phone. ‘OK, Lex, I’m going to do two things to help you. The first is tell you to take some slow deep breaths—’

‘That’s normally my advice to you.’

‘Well, are you walking the walk right now?’

‘What? I’m just… um… I guess not. Still, I could have thought of that.’

‘Yet you didn’t.’

‘True.’

‘I learned from the best, Lex. You. Now, are you ready for my next trick?’

I lean forward against the sink unit, taking slow deep breaths, just as I’ve counselled Sasha to do so many times in the past. ‘Go on.’

‘It’s very simple. I’m going to give you a massive reassuring hug.’

‘Down the phone?’ I glance at the illuminated screen in confusion.

As I’m waiting for a response, the door to the ladies’ opens and Sasha’s voice comes from right behind me.

‘You can’t hug down a phone, dafty.’

I spin round and see her standing right in front of me, all goofy grin and wild red hair.

‘You’re here? What the… how…?’ I dive into her arms and we squeeze each other tight for a good thirty seconds.

‘I thought you could do with the moral support,’ says Sasha once we’ve pulled apart. ‘I know Matt’s here, but it’s still early days for you guys. Not the same as a bestie.’

‘Damn right. I can’t believe you came all the way down here for this.’

‘Well… I can’t honestly say it was just for this gig. I was going to tell you when I saw you later – I got the job. Have a couple of apartment viewings booked for tomorrow before I head home.’

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