Page 84 of Take a Moment

‘Ah.’

Taking a deep breath, I blurt it all out. ‘Dom, I’m so sorry. I really am. It’s just… I’ve found a new life here and it’s changed me more than I realised. I’m just not sure that we’re right for each other any more.’

‘You mean you like this other guy better.’

‘What? No.It’s not that simple. Tonight, when I was on stage, it just—’

‘What do you mean you were “on stage”?’

I give myself a mental kick – I hadn’t mentioned the band to Dom before now, due to it being Matt-related. ‘I’ve joined a band, as their lead singer. They’re Matt’s friends and I had my first gig with them tonight. It was amazing. I felt so alive and it just made me realise that this change I’ve made in my life has been for a reason.’

‘Right.’ Dom clears his throat. ‘I thought the reason was your MS, Lex.’

‘It was. But now, my illness aside, this is the life I should be living.’

‘You mean you’re on a high after your gig.’

‘Well, yes, but that’s not all it is.’

There’s a short silence at the end of the line. ‘Lex, have you really thought this through? Things are going great for you right now. But will that last? Isn’t this just another case of denial? How can you expect to sustain that lifestyle?’

I frown at my phone. ‘What… what do you mean?’

‘I mean, what happens to your place in the band when you relapse? Do they know about your situation? Does Matt even know about it? I’m guessing not. And when he finds out, do you think he’s just going to shrug and say it doesn’t matter?’

‘I… it’ll be fine.’

‘That’s your answer? Have you thought this through or are you just ignoring it? Because you can’t, Lex. No matter how much you want to. Joining a band on top of your aspirations at work – it’s all admirable. But it would be a lot for a healthy person, never mind someone with your condition.’

I feel myself smart with annoyance. But unfortunately, Dom has sliced open a deep vulnerability, which snuffs out any ability to face up to him.

‘Look, Dom, I’m doing the best I can. I can’t live a lie just because I’m ill.’

‘So, I’d be the lie? Nice, Lex.’ Hurt seeps through his words.

‘No, I don’t mean that, I—’

‘It’s OK, I get it. I’m not exciting enough for you. I’m offering you a lifetime of love, stability and support, but it’s not enough.’

‘It’s not that—’

‘Thenwhatis it?’

‘It’s… you’re… you suffocate me, Dom. You want to play the rescuer all the time. You treat me like an invalid. Yes, I’m ill.Yes, my life is a bit more uncertain and I’m vulnerable to flare-ups. But that can’t be the focus day in, day out. I’m still me. I do love you, but I can’t have a life where I can’t breathe because you’re just as overbearing as my—’

‘Lex, I have a reality check for you. People give a shit. Youareill and they just care about you. Deal with it. This guy, the only reason he doesn’t see you that way is becausehedoesn’tknow.’

As Dom’s words pour through the earpiece in my phone, I suddenly feel sick. ‘You… you don’t know that.’

‘Well, I’m not the one who has to find out. Good luck, Lex. I hope he’s worth it. Maybe my mates are right, I should just appreciate that I’ve had a lucky escape.’

With that, he cuts the call, leaving me in cold, blunt shock. I stand like a statue for several seconds, unable to fathom what’s just happened. Then as I come to, I lean on the bollard in front of me, taking several deep shaky breaths. Once I’ve composed myself enough to face the others, I turn in the direction of the bar – where I see Matt standing just feet away from me, looking very confused indeed.

Chapter 28

The breath is knocked out of me again as I make eye contact with Matt. I try desperately to read what’s going on behind those dark, penetrating eyes. How much did he hear? The end of that phone call gave glaringly obvious clues to the two things I’ve been hiding, out of fear he would run for his beloved hills. If he did overhear, there’s no avoiding the final showdown: right here, right now.

‘Hey,’ I manage finally.

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