I stare at him in astonishment, unable to speak.
‘You wrote in your song about a world where there’s so much hardship,’ Matt continues. ‘How you want people to care for others, not just themselves. “You’ve made a selfless gesture in a world where self-indulgence is promoted.” Why talk about wanting change that you yourself won’t accept? I want to care for you, Alex. I want to be your rock. Your MS is part of who you are and as much as I hate that this is happening to you, that’s not what I’d see every morning when I wake up to you. I’d see an amazing woman who’s full of spirit and determination. I’d be proud that you’d chosen me to share your life with and we’d face it together.’
As he finishes his wonderful tirade, tears spill down my cheeks. I’m trying so hard to keep it together but it’s just too much.
‘Do you really mean that? You’re not just feeling sorry for me? Because if you’ve got any doubt in your mind whatsoever—’
‘Seriously? Is what I just said not enough to convince you? What do you want – a proposal?’
‘Sorry.Definitelynot. Way too soon for that.’ An involuntary giggle escapes from my mouth.
He’s right. So right. I decided how he would react to my situation and in doing so, I overlooked the connection between us, the feelings he has for me. I took the experiences I had with my family and Dom and applied the same formula. But Matt’s not them, he’s different. He’s just played his hand and there was some tough love in there. That’s not a guy who’s going to mollycoddle me and try to stop me from living my best life.
‘So, what happens now?’ I ask.
‘What happens is this.’
He gets up from his seat, leans in and kisses me, his hand cradling the back of my head as he does. He tastes so delicious, it takes me about thirty seconds to tune in to reality. I pull away from him suddenly.
‘Wait, I’ve got a flu virus. You shouldn’t be coming near me. You’ll catch it.’
‘It’s worth the risk.’ He starts to lean in again.
‘I’ve also not had a shower for two days. I must be totally disgusting.’
‘Have you brushed your teeth today?’
‘Yes, the nurses helped me by bringing a basin.’
‘That’s good enough for me.’ He swoops in and kisses me again before I can protest any more.
I loop my weak, exhausted arms round Matt’s neck, luxuriating in his closeness, his beard tickling my face. I can’t help worrying that I’m dreaming and I’m about to wake up to the depressing reality of a few hours ago. This was an impossible scenario then. But now it’s all real.
‘Oi, no kissing on the ward,’ the nurse who’s been looking after me calls as she makes her way past. We pull apart suddenly and she starts to laugh. ‘I’m only kidding. What do you think this is – prison? Nice to see you smiling, Alex.’
Matt and I chuckle in embarrassment.
‘Feels a bit like being in prison. Though it just got a bit more bearable.’ I beam adoringly at Matt, who reflects the same expression right back at me.
‘So how long til you’re better? When can you get out of here?’ Matt asks.
I bite my lip, unsure how to answer that.
‘Spit it out, Alex.’
‘It’ll probably take about two weeks to get back on my feet properly. The doctor said I can go home when I’m able to look after myself or when I have someone to support me.’
He looks thoughtful for a second. ‘Right, well that’s sorted then. I’m breaking you out of here.’
‘I have to stay at least another couple of nights though. To see an occupational therapy specialist tomorrow and for them to monitor me.’
‘Fair enough. But as soon as they say you’re safe to leave, I’m taking you home.’
‘To my home or yours?’ I grin at him.
‘Where would you like to be?’
‘Probably mine. All my stuff is there.’