Page 20 of Just Like That

Seth’s eyebrows knit together and he stops eating. ‘Jess… are… you… going… to… do… this… for-ever?’

‘Wh… what do you mean?’ I stammer guiltily.

‘Are… you… going… to… ba-by… me… be-cause… I’m… like… this?’

‘I’m not babying you.’

‘Yes… you… are.’ Seth looks at me meaningfully. ‘The… sister… I… know… tells… me… ev… ev-ery-thing. She… shares… the… good… and… the… bad.’

‘I share stuff with you,’ I protest.

‘Yeah… insig-nifi-cant… stuff. You… would… always… chew… my… ear… off… about… things… at… work. Esp-ecia-lly… when… you… didn’t… get… a… project… you… wanted… or… someone… ann-oyed… you. But… now… sudden-ly… this… stuff… does-n’t… matter? I’m… recov-ering… from… an… illness… Jess… not… stupid… or… weak.’

This faltering tirade hits me square in the heart and guilt pools in parts of my body I didn’t know I could feel it. By trying to protect my big brother from the things he shouldn’t have to worry about, I’ve made him feel like he’s a lesser being. This realisation leaves me conflicted, because he’s right, I shouldn’t treat him differently because of what happened to him and how he is now. But my instinct to protect him is so strong. As much as it pains me to be a bit disingenuous, I can only give so far on this one. I let out a loaded sigh.

‘Seth, I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t mean it to come across as me babying you, but I am protective of you. And you would be the same if it were the other way around, right?’

He considers this and shrugs. ‘I… guess. But… I… am… telling… you… I… don’t… want… it… this… way. If… I… can’t… exp-eri-ence… the… ups… and… downs… of… real… life… myself, at… least… let… me… do… it… through… you.’

‘That’s fair. I’ll tell you about my day then.’

He seems satisfied with this and starts eating again, which allows me time to quickly work out in my mind how I can share the frustrations of my day, without giving away what’s really at the root of them.

‘Go… on… then,’ he prompts me eventually, clearly impatient to hear the ‘juice’.

‘OK… so, my boss, Craig—’

‘The… guy… who… dresses… like… a… mafia… man.’

‘Yes, that’s him.’ I giggle. ‘He’s put me on this project at the wildlife park that I really don’t want to do. You know that I like to do the biggest, most high-profile events, right?’

‘No… you’ve… never… men-tioned… that.’

‘Hoi.’ I swipe at him playfully and he grins back at me cheekily. ‘Anyway, the wildlife park is failing and they want to find a new revenue stream…’ I fill Seth in on the background of the park’s plight.

‘So… you… don’t… want… this… project… because… it’s… not… high… profile… enough?’ he asks.

‘Yes. It and the other small fry projects Craig’s now giving me will look rubbish on my CV.’

‘Then… don’t… put… them… on… your… CV.’

‘Well, it’s not that simple…’ I realise I’m about to stray into territory I don’t want to enter. ‘Never mind. The reason I had a tough day wasn’t really about the project itself. It was more an interpersonal issue.’

‘Did… you… kick… off… at… one… of… the… park… staff?’

‘How did you guess?’ I give a shamefaced smile.

‘Be-cause… I’ve… noticed… you’ve… had… a… shorter… fuse… than… usual… rec-ently… and… it… might… affect… you… at… work.’ He reaches out and nudges me with his better arm. ‘Who… was… he… and… what… did… he… do?’

‘How did you know it was a bloke?’

‘It’s… normally… a… bloke, and… you… cl… clear-ly… fancy… him.’

‘What? No, I don’t.’ I feel my cheeks flame at this statement. ‘He’s so not my type, and I’m not his either. He even said so himself.’

‘Guys… always… say… that… when… they… like… a… woman… and… she’s… re-jec-ted… them. It’s… pra…prac-ti-cally… bloke… 101. You’ve… re-jec-ted… him… right?’

‘No, I haven’t.’ I think back to the hospital car park and flush deeply.

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