Page 46 of Just Like That

I quickly get changed, then join the guys in the living room, handing the takeaway menu to Jackson so he can choose his food. I know that Seth and I will just end up having our usuals.

‘Hi, Seth.’ I plant a kiss on the top of my brother’s head in my usual manner, but instead of receiving his usual laid-back – if now slightly lopsided – smile, he flicks me away with his better arm.

‘Sis… you are… ruin-ing my… street cred.’

‘What are you talking about? I always…oh.’ I look to Jackson, who gives me a wink in return. ‘Sorry, big bro. I’ll try to remember not to do that when we have company. How was your day?’

‘It was… great.’

‘That’s good. What did you get up to?’

‘I met… a beau… beau-tiful woman.’

Seth’s speech is coming along well through the therapy he’s receiving. He’s now able to put a couple of words together at a time, but the trickier sounds still pose him a challenge.

‘Oh yeah? Tell me more about that.’ I raise an eyebrow at Jackson and he waggles his own back at me in confirmation of this.

‘Her name is… Alison. She was at the… phys… the phys-io’s office.’

‘I see. Is she a patient too?’

‘No, she was… with her father. He had… a stroke, like me. She was… chatting me up.’

‘Right.’ I look to Jackson, who nods confirmation this time, and though I’m unsure why, I feel a little uneasy about this. ‘So that must have been a nice ego boost.’

‘It was. She asked me… if I’d… like to have coffee… in the park, one day.’

‘She did?’ My feeling of unease deepens. ‘That’s great. Shall we get our order in and you can tell me more over dinner?’

I submit an online order for collection to the takeaway restaurant and bustle around in the kitchen getting plates, cutlery and drinks ready. As I do, my brain ticks over what Seth has just told me. So a woman has shown interest in him. Why do I have an issue with that? It never bothered me before – but then, that was during a time when Seth was a big burly lad who could more than look after himself. Now he’s… vulnerable. He can’t walk – yet. He’s coming through a major physical and emotional trauma, whether he admits the emotional side of it or not. He acts as if he’s taking all this in his stride, but I know him well enough to pick up that he does struggle at times. He’s just too proud to admit it. What if he started seeing this woman and—

‘I know what’s going on in your head.’ Jackson enters the kitchen, interrupting my thoughts. ‘It’s perfectly natural to be protective of Seth. It doesn’t make you a bad person, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

I wince at the accuracy of his observation and put down the glass I’m holding on the kitchen counter. ‘I hadn’t got to the guilt part yet, but it was coming.’

‘You’re doing a great job, Jess.’

‘Am I? I mean, I hope I am, but I find it so hard to know. He seems happy but I see moments of frustration or sadness in his eyes.’

Jackson looks at me meaningfully. ‘I’d be worried if you didn’t, because that would mean he’s in denial, and that doesn’t help recovery. Seth’s withholding all right; I can see that. But he’s still in the early stages of accepting all this and getting used to his new reality, which, remember, is changing all the time. He’s making steps forward and he’ll only really know where he’s at when those steps become smaller and smaller, until they eventually seem non-existent. That’s when he’ll know what he’s really dealing with long term.’

‘That’s an interesting way of looking at it.’ I reach for the glass, then retract my hand as more worrisome thoughts descend on me. ‘How can I make sure I do right by him, Jackson? Our parents are a complete let-down, and while I want to throw my everything into this, I also still want to succeed in my career. Is that selfish – finding it a battle to put my needs second to Seth’s all the time?’

‘No.Absolutely not. If you don’t look after you and your needs, you can’t do the best for Seth. Also, if you do happen to end up with long-term caring responsibilities of any kind, a good career will help with the financial side – because I’m assuming your parents don’t have a bottomless pit of cash.’

‘You’re right, they don’t. I guess I need to double down and make sure I can provide for the two of us, just in case. Gosh, you know your stuff, Jackson.’ I turn away for a second as the emotional weight of the conversation makes my eyes sting.

‘I’ve been doing this for a long time.’ He lifts the plates and cutlery I’ve prepared to set the table. ‘Seen many situations, listened to a lot of worries, answered a lot of questions – most of them related to self-doubt and wanting to do the best for loved ones.’

‘So how do I do that? My best, I mean.’

‘Just keep doing what you’re doing, give him some freedom to keep pushing forward and hold his hand along the way – metaphorically speaking, of course. You don’t want to go damaging that precious “street cred” of his.’

I chuckle. ‘No.That’s particularly important to him. And the woman who’s asked him out?’ My face turns serious again.

‘Honestly? I think you need to stay out of it. Seth’s an adult. He’s lost so much independence. Best leave him feeling like he has control over something in his life. You can’t protect him from everything.’

‘I guess you’re right.’ I wince at this thought, despite fully understanding where Jackson’s coming from. ‘Thanks for the perspective.’

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