Page 77 of Just Like That

I’m careful to keep my tone casual and Seth seems satisfied with this. However, on the inside, I’m starting to panic, because I’ve no idea how to handle this situation. I knew it would be tricky trying to navigate things with Nick when he doesn’t know the full picture, but I didn’t expect Seth to be on my case to meet Nick this quickly. How exactly am I going to get out of this one without Seth feeling like I’m hiding him away – which I am, but for a different reason than what he thought? Even if I can successfully deter Seth, how can I keep my relationship with Nick going smoothly when he now expects more from me, and I can’t commit much of my time to him?

Chapter 36

On Tuesday morning, my eyes ping open the moment my alarm goes off, and my internal battle cry is perfectly tuned before the soles of my feet hit the laminate floor. Today I get my job back. I know I never lost it in the traditional sense, but it certainly feels that way. There’s something about watching your junior colleagues take over your work that’s basically the career equivalent to being emasculated. So today, I’m in full assault mode. I won’t be rude or aggressive, but I will put my arguments across more firmly than before, and I will make sure Craig understands that his assertions have been wrong.

That’s the plan, but the reality plays out quite differently. My first mistake is getting a takeaway coffee from the cafe opposite our office on my way in. Shortly after drinking it, my whole body is jangling from a combination of pre-meeting adrenaline and the nuclear hit of caffeine it provides. Probably not the wisest move to be completely wired going into this conversation. My second mistake (which is actually my first, if we go by when I first made the assumption) is thinking that Craig will analyse the logic I present to him in the way that I expect him to.

‘Jess, we’ve been here before.’ The tone of Craig’s voice is bordering on frustration. ‘Did you pull off a blinder with the wildlife park? Absolutely. You’ve set them up with a brilliant new revenue stream, and you went the extra mile with that superb fundraiser. Does that change the facts at hand? No.You’re still working part time, which means your reduced availability could still cause issues with high-profile clients – and we can’t afford to loseanyof those clients.’

I can feel my blood reaching the point of becoming hot broth.

‘Craig, with respect, have I not just spent three weeks working round the clock to deliver that “superb fundraiser”? Does that not show how “available” I can be?’

‘Do you have the money to stay in a hotel and pay a live-in carer every time there’s a need to do that?’

‘Well, no, but that was an extreme set of circumstances. On any other project I’d have more planning time to make sure everything is lined up perfectly.’

I continue to argue my case, once again having to explain my job to Craig – a man who hasn’t been ‘on the ground’ in years – and once again feeling resentment rising at having to do so.

‘Doesn’t matter.’ Craig shakes his head in rejection of my logic. ‘The point is, you don’t know what might come up, and without the ability to respond immediately to any issues that arise, you’re a risk to the company. This isn’t personal, Jess.’

I stare at him in disbelief. ‘That is actually true, isn’t it? It’s not personal, because we’re all expendable to you.’

‘Jess, that’s not at all… um, really not…’ Craig is so stunned by my boldness, he struggles to form a response, so I keep going.

‘You see us as commodities… resources, and not much more. You decided I’d outlived my usefulness because I’d chosen to care for a family member rather than let him rot in a home.’

‘This is ridiculous.’ He finally finds his voice, but he’s flapping and I know I’ve got it spot on. ‘Utter drivel, with no real basis whatsover.’

‘OK, if it’s “drivel”, then let me have my projects back and I’ll show you how wrong you are about me being “a risk to the company”.’

‘Jess, you are jumping up and down on razor thin ice here.’ Craig adopts an undertone of menace, which shocks me into calming down my accusatory stance. I may think he’s corporate scum at this precise moment, but I need to keep my job.

‘Sorry,’ I mutter. Closing my eyes for a moment, I attempt to ground myself.

‘I understand you’re upset.’ Craig reins in his tone as well. ‘But you can’t go around making accusations like that. This situation, as much as you don’t like it, is permanent unless you resume full-time hours. You’re going to have to find a way to deal with that, or I suggest you start looking for a new job.’

I’m filled with fury at his snakiness, and the fact I have no choice but to let this go. All I want to do is flip the table between us in a heated rage and storm out. But that will obviously cost me my job – and quite possibly my clean record as a citizen – so instead, I mumble that I understand and I’d better get back to work.

As I’m getting up from my seat to leave the room, a new realisation hijacks my consciousness: I need to find a new job and jump before I’m pushed – or I’m pushed over the edge.

Chapter 37

I spend the rest of the morning stewing at my desk, pretending to be busy and productive, but the minute the clock on the wall hits twelve p.m., I roll back my desk chair and head out for lunch. I badge it this way because I’ve never really been one to take lunch breaks when in the office. I’d usually keep working at my desk, forking something healthy from a Tupperware, barely noticing the day passing by. That same Tupperware is currently nestled at the bottom of my bag, and today it will only see the light of day once I’ve made an important call.

Making my way along the street, I cross at the three-way junction between the university and the Quartermile and take the path to the Meadows. Once I’ve found an empty bench away from the main tree-lined thoroughfare, I sit down, and for a few minutes I just watch the people around me in the vast open green space, chatting, laughing, some of them speed walking, doing yoga or playing sports. It’s exactly the vibrant but calming environment I need right now. Then, once I feel ready, I look up the number I want and put my phone to my ear.

‘Jess, fabulous to hear from you,’ says a syrupy voice in my ear moments after I’ve spoken to the receptionist. ‘I thought Riley had gotten mixed up when he told me he had you on the line. How are you?’

Sitting up straight, I try to convince my wearied body and brain to play along. ‘I’m good thanks, Bree. Firing on all cylinders, as usual.’

‘I bet you are. I saw in the local press you almost single-handedly saved East Lothian Wildlife Park from closure. Well done, you. I’d never heard of the place. That bit of clever PR will do them wonders.’

‘I certainly hope so.’

‘Not a doubt in my mind. Lovely little side-gig for you on top of all the biggie events you lead.’

I purse my lips. This is not how I wanted to kick off this call – with Bree calling my biggest success of late a ‘side-gig’. However, I try not to let this distract me from my goal.

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