Page 90 of Just Like That

Nick rubs the back of his neck, looking baffled as he takes all this in.

‘Jess, when I said I wanted a simple life with no baggage, I meant in terms of my next partner and how they would treat me. I wanted someone who would…’ He hesitates and suddenly looks like he doesn’t want to complete his sentence.

‘Tell me,’ I urge him. ‘I won’t judge you.’

He leans forward, elbows on his thighs, puffing out his cheeks. ‘I find it difficult to say this stuff out loud. I guess what I’m trying to say is… I just wanted someone who would only want to be with me. Who would… adore me the way I would adore them. I didn’t mean I needed their attention on me 100 per cent of the time, or that they couldn’t have anything else going on in their life.’

‘Even if that might cause tension in a relationship? Like if I couldn’t spend enough time with you? You were already getting frustrated before. You said it yourself.’

‘That was because there didn’t seem to be any logical reason why we weren’t seeing each other outside of work. Now it all makes sense.’

‘And?’ I wet my lips with apprehension.

‘Well, if I’d known about your situation, it wouldn’t have changed anything for me. I would have been more than happy to take a back seat to your brother, or better than that, I would have wanted to be a part of both your lives. Offer some support, rather than being regarded as a separate unit.’

‘You really would have wanted that?’

I feel a swell of longing. All I want to do is dive into his arms and kiss him, but I’m acutely aware that what Nick has just shared is based on a parallel reality – one where I didn’t hold all this back from him.

‘Of course, I would have.’ He looks pained by the suggestion that he might have seen things otherwise. ‘It was you I fell for, not your circumstances. They just happened to be part of the package. As I said, I just want to be with someone who wants me – and who won’t lie to me and won’t stray. After the experience I went though, it’s all that really matters to me.’

I’m about to try and convince Nick that, despite what I’ve done, I can be all that and more. Then his words trigger a flash of memory, and I remember I have something else to come clean about. Something that might change the way he sees me.

‘Nick, I haven’t told you everything. There’s another reason why I broke things off.’

‘Right…?’ His expression understandably turns cautious.

‘The other night, I went on a bender. My boss had refused to listen to me over my job, and Seth was furious with me because I’d driven his girlfriend away. It’s a long story and all sorted now, but the point is, I had to check into a hotel and I got drunk in the hotel bar, which led to me going to a club with a bloke I met there.’

‘Ah, shit.’ Nick looks away and shakes his head, making me panic.

‘No, no, it’s not what you think.’ My words tumble over themselves in my attempt to put his mind at rest. ‘Nothing happened, and I never wanted it to, but the morning after, I did worry I might have done something stupid. I had no memory of the night after we left the hotel, then I found something belonging to the guy in my room. I jumped to the wrong conclusion and thought I’d betrayed you. That told me that I couldn’t be the woman you were looking for.’

‘So, what really happened?’ Nick appears relieved, but it’s obvious he – quite rightly – needs to hear the rest of the story.

‘Apparently, I spent the whole night yapping on about you and Seth – to the point he thought I was in a throuple. Oh, and I got so hammered, he and the night porter had to take me back to my room and put me to bed.’

Nick lets out a bellow of a laugh. ‘You’re something else.’

‘I know.’ I give a wry grin, relieved that the mood between us has lightened a little. ‘Not my finest hour by any stretch. But it obviously means I’m the faithful kind, because he was one of these smokin’ hot surfer guys… who aren’t my type at all,’ I rush to add at the end.

‘Listen, I would have no issue with you being able to appreciate a good-looking guy. It’s just that monogamy is what I want.’

‘Me too.’ I sigh, taking in his rugged, man-about-wildlife-park features that I find so damn attractive. ‘So the big question is: can you forgive me? And also… do you think you can trust me?’

Nick’s expression turns serious again. ‘Honestly? I’m struggling with that a bit. You haven’t exactly been forthcoming with me.’

‘I know.’ I feel my eyes well up at the real possibility that he’s about to tell me ‘no’. ‘But if you give me another chance, I’ll never give you reason to doubt me, I promise. It’s not who I am, Nick. I’ve just lost my way these last months with everything that’s been going on.’

There’s a short and almost unbearable silence while he appears to be weighing up what I’ve said.

‘I suppose it’s understandable,’ he says eventually. ‘You were clearly having a difficult time and I guess that means you lost perspective. So… if you really didn’t sleep with that guy—’

‘I didn’t. I swear,’ I jump in quickly.

‘And you won’t hide anything like this from me again—’

‘I won’t so much as go for a pee without you knowing about it.’

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