Page 2 of Trophy
“It’s not about any one thing,” she interrupted, even though he hated when he did that. She’d cried so much over the years about his absolute dismissal of any interest or passion of hers that she was numb now to all of it. “I can’t do this anymore. I’ve tried. And tried. And tried. But nothing changes. I’m just so tired of being nothing butyoung and gorgeous and vulnerable and completely dependent.”
Those were the words Arthur had used to a business associate of his at the party last night. He’d thought she was still in the bathroom when she’d overheard him say it in that pompous, teasing tone he used when he was trying to be affable.I highly recommend a wife. Just make sure she’s young, gorgeous, vulnerable, and completely dependent. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
Allison had been about to turn a corner to rejoin him and had heard him. She’d stood frozen for a long time, the world shuddering around her as she realized that Arthur’s words were perfectly true. That was what she was. It wasallshe was. And none of her attempts over the past few years to change it had done any good at all.
So she was changing it now.
“Don’t be foolish,” Arthur said, after his expression changed as he realized what she’d overheard. “I was simply making a connection with him. You have no idea what it’s like in business. You say things you don’t mean, merely because the other person wants to hear them.”
“Oh, I know exactly what it’s like to say what someone else wants to hear.” Her voice was getting rough, but she didn’t clear her throat. She didn’t want to show Arthur any weakness. “I’ve done it for years, and I refuse to do it anymore.”
“Yes, I can imagine how exhausting it is to spend your days doing nothing and have a husband buy you everything you want.” His voice snapped with sarcasm, although he didn’t raise his voice. He never raised his voice. He never openly displayed anger at all except through this kind of biting sarcasm.
“Things you can buy are not what I want. I’ve been trying to tell you this for more than two years now. I need to… to feel like a real human being and not like a pretty possession of yours.” Despite her exhaustion and numbness, she heard her voice break with a tremor of emotion. “I’m tired of always tiptoeing around your moods but never getting to express feelings of my own. I’m tired of this constant anxiety about gaining even a pound because you don’t want a wife who’s too fat. I’m tired of not being free to decide to go to college or to get a job or do anything I might want to do on my own, since that doesn’t fit your image of a wife. I’m tired of forcing myself to have sex, even when I really don’t want to, because you get to decide when we do it. I’m tired of it, and it’s never going to change.”
“So in this fiction you’ve concocted, I’m the monster who dehumanizes you, and you’re the innocent victim who had no idea what she was signing up for in this marriage.”
“No. I’m not blaming you. I knew what I was getting into when I married you. I thought it was what I wanted, but it isn’t. It’s not your fault. You haven’t changed. But I have. This isn’t what I want anymore, and it’s obvious that it’s never going to be. That’s why I’m leaving.”
Her words must have gotten through to him because his impatient expression transformed to something very cold. “You can leave if you want. I won’t stop you. But don’t delude yourself into thinking you can get around the prenup. You came into this marriage with nothing, and that’s what you’re going to leave with. It’s your decision to go, and it hasn’t been ten years yet.”
“I know that. I’m not expecting any sort of money from you.”
“How do you expect to make it, then? You have no money, no skills, no education, no ability to support yourself. You’ll just end up dependent on another man.”
“No, I won’t.”
“You think this is some great statement of independence for you, but you’re never going to make it. You’re soft, Allison. You’re not going to be able to do this on your own.”
“Maybe not,” she admitted, close to tears—but not tears of grief. “But I’m going to try anyway.”
He shook his head in clear disbelief, giving a soft, sardonic chuckle that was as demeaning a response as she could imagine.
It didn’t matter. She’d faced him. She’d told him the truth. She’d at least had enough courage to do that.
And now she could finally walk away.
2
Allison stareddown at the signed and returned copy of her divorce papers. “I can’t believe it’s really over.”
Vicki was pouring merlot into two glasses. “You’re happy, aren’t you? I mean, everything went pretty smoothly. It’s only been a year since you walked out on him. That’s as fast as a divorce can happen in this state.”
“Yeah.” Allison sighed and accepted the wineglass. She and Vicki were sitting on stools at the marble bar in Vicki’s sleek, stylish kitchen, where they’d sat to talk a lot over the past year. “It’s just that now I really have to get started with my life, and I’m not any clearer about how to do that than I was in the beginning.”
“You can always stay here, you know. As long as you want.” Vicki was thirty—four years older than Allison—and she was married to a rich older man too. Her marriage, however, actually seemed to be a happy one.
“I know. I really appreciate it, but I’m sure Russ is getting tired of always having me around.”
“No, he’s really?—”
“Seriously, Vicki, you have no idea how grateful I am for you being here for me this year and letting me stay here while I… I recover from my marriage. But the renters are out of my grandmother’s house now, so I can go ahead and move in. And I feel like I’m ready to stand on my own feet. I’ve got to get started on building a life for myself, or I’ll always be dependent on someone else.”
The other day she’d walked into Vicki and Russ’s huge, luxurious apartment, and it had felt like home. Except it wasn’t her home, and she’d suddenly realized she needed to get out before her dream of independence blew away like so much smoke.
Being a helpless friend might be better than being a trophy wife, but Allison wanted to be more than that. She’d been hanging around doing nothing but taking college classes online, and she was getting comfortable with it.
She didn’t want to be comfortable. She wanted to live a life that was really hers.
