Page 58 of His Ruined Duchess

Shocked, Selina reeled back a hair. “What makes you say that?”

“I have known you all my life, Sister. I did not see it before, but I have grown, and I can see now the subtle pain that you cannot keep from your eyes. You do not want to marry Magnus. So why then have you agreed to?”

Tears prickled in Selina’s eyes. She had never believed Lydia to be paying much attention to her or her concerns. It was common for a younger sibling to be distracted with their own life, and Selina did not blame Lydia for it. Knowing that her sister had noticed her pain did not feel as welcome as it might have in some other situation.

“There are many considerations that I have taken into account when deciding whether or not to marry Magnus. I assure you that it is the best case scenario for me moving forward and for him.”

Lydia’s expression hardened, her brows knitting together fiercely as she held eye contact with Selina.

“You should not marry Magnus just because Hugh demands it. You have found a way out of an unfavorable match for me. Why can you not do the same for yourself?”

The indignance of youth was strong in Lydia. It had always been that way, and Selina chuckled through her nose, taking her sister’s hand and rubbing her thumb back and forth against the skin as she offered a gentle smile.

“It is not Hugh, Lydia. At least not solely. There are many factors at work here, I assure you. Moreover, I have accepted Magnus’ proposal. Duty demands that I respect that decision and go through with it.”

“It is not right!” Lydia stamped a foot down, shaking her head as she squeezed Selina’s hand. “Our lives ought to be our own. You are letting Hugh and Magnus and Mother and all of society tell you what you have to do.”

The pressure behind Selina’s ribs increased, and she dropped her head, closing her eyes briefly before looking back up at Lydia. It was a lovely day, and the noon sun hung behind her sister so that the light silhouetted her light curls. It made them appear to glow, and Selina’s heart ached for Lydia’s innocence and how she still remained so protected from the ways of the world.

If Selina had her way, Lydia would never have to face the challenges she faced.

“I am.” Selina nodded with a smile as Lydia gaped at her. “I must. It is the duty of the eldest daughter and of the eldest son in Magnus’ case. The world is not how we would like it to be much of the time, and I am doing what I can to find a stable place in it that does not cause me too much harm.”

“It isn’t fair, Sister. I want you to be happy.” Lydia looked so downcast, and in a familiar habit, Selina sought to do whatever she could to ease her sister’s frustration and discomfort.

“Little in life is.” She reached up and cupped Lydia’s cheek. “You will understand more when you are older. And for now—and always—I must focus on what is ahead of me. I will have you close, my dear Lydia, and that willalwaysmake me happy.”

Lydia did not look convinced, but there was nothing more Selina could do for her. It wasn’t fair, nor was it right or kind or gentle. However, she had not lied. Having Lydia and her family near her would make Selina very happy, and it was a happiness she was familiar with, albeit alongside all the sorrow that might accompany it.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

As soon as Selina had left the conversation with Lydia, she literally ran into her mother, who’d come searching for her. Steadying herself while holding out a hand to catch Bridget by the elbow, Selina let out a harsh breath as the air was forced from her lungs. Her mother squealed lightly and then took a step back from her with a scowl.

“Selina,” she chided, “what on earth were you doing out here like this? We have so much to be done and?—”

“Apologies, Mother. I was speaking with Lydia. I am ready to return to the preparations with you.”

Her response had been polite enough, but judging by her mother’s change in facial expression, Selina’s tone had not been perfect. Bridget was always a shrewd judge of mood, and it seemed that insight was being focused decisively on Selina. With a sigh, she ducked her chin, awaiting her mother’s inevitable comment.

“Dearest, are you quite all right?” Selina felt her mother’s fingers on the bottom of her chin, pulling her face upward so that she had to look into the woman’s eyes. “Has something happened with Magnus?”

This wasn’t exactly what Selina had expected. She knew that her mother had been looking forward to this arrangement with great anticipation, and she’d been insistent that the future would be bright with Selina’s fiancé. She was certain—despite their previous conversation about taking lovers—that Magnus would turn out to be the man of Selina’s dreams, just as Bridget had seen her husband after their wedding.

But before the gambling.

“No, Magnus has done nothing for you to be concerned about. I merely needed some fresh air. All the preparations and proceedings can be rather overwhelming, and I only sought to relieve some of the pressure. Nothing like the brisk spring air to remedy a stagnant mind, right, Mother?”

She narrowed her eyes at Selina, cocking her head as she stood before her daughter with her hands clasped at her waist.

“You have never once agreed with me about that. Be truthful with me, Selina. I should be able to expect that much.”

Selina’s shoulders drooped, and she couldn’t restrain the sigh that escaped her as she put her weight on her back foot. The estate was vast and echoey around them, even here inthe hallway, and Selina suddenly felt dwarfed by the sheer immensity of it.

“I will admit that my hopes for the future with Magnus do not meet the level of your own, Mother. I foresee a life similar to the one I had with my late husband. While that was comfortable to the end, it was not a relationship of love but friendship.”

Her mother’s expression dropped, the constant poise there faltering.

“Selina, I had assumed that your time with Easton was fair and fortunate, but a part of me knew, of course, that you did not love him as I did your father. His marriage to you helped to secure the family, however, to secure you.”

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