Page 69 of His Ruined Duchess

He paced and paced, sipping his whiskey with each step, the liquid draining away with each gulp. There was too much stimulation and not enough. He was restless but ached to relax and find the comfort of slumber. He would utterly refuse food if offered, but the pit of his stomach felt hollow and wrong.

He was a mess—more so than he had ever been in his life.

As the world spiraled, his depression dragging his shoulders down until he nearly crumbled, Hugh stopped his mad pacing in front of the bookshelves, leaning on them for support. Hebreathed in, trying to steady himself. The distinctive smell of the old tomes filled his nostrils—vanilla and something vaguely nutty and musky.

And then he looked up and realized where he was standing.

Hugh was directly on the spot when he’d claimed Selina, where he had her pressed against these very shelves as he’d sunk himself deep inside her until they’d both reached their exquisite climax.

Everything in this house would remind him of her. Selina’s ghost would haunt him every day that she was away, living with a man who didn’t even see her or understand the incredible qualities of the woman he was married to.

Magnus does not deserve her. He will not love Selina. He’s admitted as much to her, and Selina is worth so much more than that. She ought to be loved more than breath itself, asIlove her.

Hanging his head, Hugh rested it on the lip of the shelf level with him. The edge dug into his forehead, but he relished the pain, knowing that as much as he loved Selina, he’d let her down.He’dgotten her into this mess. He deserved so much more than a little sting, didn’t he?

It was odd to understand that this situation was of his own making, so he didn’t have much of a right to be so upset. He was the mastermind of his own demise. Certainly, he was simply getting whathedeserved.

As he lifted his head, regretting the line that undoubtedly marred his skin thanks to the pressure, Hugh idly scanned the titles on the shelf. There were so many books in this study, and he’d yet to read any of them. He truly ought to.

And there, right in front of his face, was the book,Emma. It must have been a purchase attributed to Selina. She was such a romantic underneath it all, and he could imagine her reading the book and laughing at the terrible miscommunication between the characters. He could picture how her eyes would go glassy when Emma was left alone and unmatched for a time, only to have her true love announce his feelings when she learned how truly terrible she was at matchmaking.

A common trait shared by Emma and me, it seems. I’d been so sure that Selina wouldn’t choose Magnus, that we’d have more time, and look where we are.

“What indeed,” Hugh mumbled to himself, “would be the finest match for the precious Selina? Security or love?”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Just breathe. Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe.

It was all that ran through Selina’s head, all that she could allow. Her nerves had not backed down for a single moment, and her heart hammered so fiercely she was certain a rib would crack under the strain. She felt consumed by nausea and the need to run, to flee this horrid church and run off into the hills of England never to be seen again.

But she couldn’t do that.

The doors before her were expertly crafted, these thick, imposing slabs of wood that led into the chapel. Selina was doing an excellent job distracting herself from her near implosion by staring at them. Or at least, she had been doing a fine job. Now, she was aware of the greater spiral of her thoughts and the way her body twitched from the anxiety that wormed through her.

Behind her, people skittered about, getting things ready for her entrance and walk down the aisle. Magnus would be standing at the far end, and despite how foolish it was, Selina couldn’t stop herself from wishing that it might be Hugh.

Stop, Selina. This is ridiculous.

The stems of the flowers she’d been given dug into her fingers as she clutched them too tightly. Selina was sure she had damaged their integrity, likely finding them dented in places where the stalks had been forced to bend. Even the flowers were suffering under the weight of her unease. She was a complete mess, and it would not do. She was to stand before the parish and those closest to her as she married Magnus.

And she was moments from keeling over onto the floor as her bowels upended themselves. God save her.

“We are ready for your entrance, Your Grace.”

A man stood at the French doors before her. Selina didn’t know when he had appeared, and all she could bring herself to do was nod. As soon as she did, he and another servant on the other side pulled each door of the pair open, revealing the chapel. Those there turned, and too many eyes fell upon her.

It took several breaths before Selina was able to get herself moving, and she locked her stare on the man standing at the head of the aisle. Magnus waited patiently there, his expression absurdly neutral and his spine ramrod straight. He did not looknervous or excited. He did not look upset or elated. He simply looked… accepting.

This had been their plan for so long. To wed and have Selina move into his estate with her family. Once there, she would help to care for Kitty when she arrived after her mother’s unfortunate demise, and she would continue to help shepherd her sisters alongside her mother.

It was logical and provided a way for both of them to get the support they needed to care for their family. The marriage was a smart one, a good match, yet Selina wanted nothing more than to turn on her heel and flee the church as fast as she could.

Unacceptable. You cannot do that.

Selina’s heartbeat was a furious pounding as she took slow steps down the aisle toward Magnus. Each movement brought her closer and closer, and yet the distance behind her groom appeared to pull away from him, and Selina’s stomach churned violently. She needed to keep moving. Everyone was looking at her. The small group of attendees offered cordial smiles as she passed by, unable to keep herself from glancing at them, expecting to find expressions of annoyance and disapproval.

Everyone had to know how conflicted she was, didn’t they? Selina felt as if she were hanging on by a thread, but no one seemed moved or concerned about her. No one was the wiser when it came to the horrid emotions bubbling through her veins like toxic tar.

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