Page 70 of His Ruined Duchess

Selina, you must do this. For your family.

The fabric of the veil touched her face, and Selina fought the urge to bat it away. The stays also poked into her ribs something fierce, and she had to keep herself from reaching down to her side in an attempt to adjust them. Nothing felt right, even the gloves she wore seemed to grip her fingers too tightly. Her shoes were uncomfortable, she could feel every lump and bump in the floor, and Selina felt numerous sudden itches spring up across her flesh.

If there were a way to feel physically distressed and uncomfortable, it was currently plaguing her. And she knew it had everything to do with her insufferable nerves.

She was nearly to the end of the aisle. Had it been only a few minutes or had it been several years? Selina was uncertain. Her mother and sisters sat in the first pew to her right, and she forced herself to smile at them as she drew near. It was unclear how much of her expression they could read beneath the veil in this rather dimly lit church.

You are saving them. Lydia is not ready to consider a match. She needs time. You are keeping your family together. Do not let them see you falter.

Selina’s eyes burned, but she would not let the tears come. They had no place here. Instead, she focused ahead on the man who waited at the end of the aisle. Magnus looked smart and dashing in his fine jacket. He was not an unattractive man by any means.He was much closer to her age. Perhaps when they were wed, she might be able to engage their relationship in a closer manner.

She remembered that he had said he might take a mistress, but it might be possible to come to some sort of arrangement with him. Surely, Selina could manage that, could she not?

No, you cannot do that, Selina. No, no, no.

The thought was so very loud in her head. But there was no denying the immediate repulsion she had to the idea. She couldn’t be with anyone else. Hugh had been the only one to stoke her desires like that, and she could not bring herself to allow another man to touch her like he did.

It is not meant for anyone else.

That notion surprised her somewhat, but Selina silently chastised herself. How could she be so shocked that the idea of being with another man turned her stomach? Of course, it did. She was so hopelessly infatuated with the man, even though he wanted nothing to do with her.

“Selina,” Magnus whispered. She’d reached the top of the aisle, and he held out his hand to help her up the singular step.

He smiled gently, and the priest mirrored his expression. Two men staring at her without a care in the world, simply ready to proceed with today’s business. That’s all this was to either of them—an arrangement.

Pain struck through Selina’s chest, and she had to stop herself from recoiling as Magnus took her arm, leading her up onto the dais.

No. No, this isn’t right. I do not want this. I… I cannot do this.

But what was she to do? Selina had already come so far. There were expectations set on her shoulders now and a room full of people to back them up. This was her duty. She couldn’t simply turn and run because she didn’t like this. Life was not like that. It wasn’t fair.

And of course, she knew that intimately. Otherwise, fate would not have cursed her to fall in love with a man who did not want to be with her.

Hugh is finished with me. He sees no future in my presence that he desires. He does not?—

But then it struck her. During their conversation, Hugh had not told Selina he did not want her. The words never left his lips. In fact, what he had said was that sheshould notwanthim. Hugh had not denied his attraction, his feelings toward her. He’d said nothing of the sort.

Selina eyed the church, scanning her surroundings until her stare rested on her groom once more. Magnus looked slightly confused, pressed for time even, but he was still so impassive. He wasn’t a bad man. This wasn’t his fault. Still, that changed nothing about how she felt, and for the first time in her life, she was about to put her hopes and dreams ahead of duty.

This is it, Selina. What will you do?

Holding Magnus’ stare, Selina searched for anything that might prompt her to stay. Heartbreak, longing, or some revealed affection for her, but there was nothing. Magnus did not want her, and she did not want him. She was not in love with him. She was in love with Hugh.

To hell with it.

“Magnus,” Selina took his hand in hers, squeezing as she met his eyes with a smile that was wholly inappropriate for what she was about to do, “I am so terribly sorry, but I cannot do this.”

“I beg your pardon?” His brow furrowed, his mood instantly dropping.

“You are a wonderful man. Kind and compassionate, trying so hard to take care of someone under your charge. But I am not the match for you. I cannot be. I’m afraid…” Selina looked from poor Magnus to the priest and then out over the pews toward her mother. “… I am in love with someone else.”

A small gasp resounded through the chapel as the few gathered heard her, but Selina caught her mother’s grin, mirrored by those of her sisters.

“I’m so terribly sorry.”

Not waiting another moment to hear what Magnus might say, Selina spun around, dropping her bouquet to the floor. She reached for the fabric of her gown, hoisting it up slightly so that she could rush down the aisle toward the back door.

She had no idea how her confrontation with Hugh might go, but she didn’t care. It was exhilarating and genuine to know that she was taking a chance on her own happiness. Everything felt lighter, looked brighter, and even the sounds of the heart in her ears were no longer a somber toll of her figurative demise.

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