Page 84 of The Sword and the Damsel

Alais gasped. “You do?”

“What do you think I am, a nun?”

At that, Alais burst into drunken giggles.

Gerard launched into an admirable performance of the cat song, almost as good as Victor’s friend, Richard. But instead of doing the ladies’ voices in falsetto, he invited Carenza to sing. To Alais’s enduring shock and wonder, Carenza knew every word.

“I’m not nearly the prude you think me, Alais,” Carenza said when they’d all recovered enough from their laughter to speak again.

“Oh?” After years of listening to Carenza’s moralizing, Alais couldn’t help being deeply skeptical.

“Here. I’ll prove it. I propose a little competition. Let’s see who can come up with the filthiest verse.”

Daniel pulled his head back, and his eyes widened. He looked down at his goblet. “I can’t tell whether I’m too drunk for this or not drunk enough.”

She waved her hand at him in the universal sign for don’t-you-worry. “It’ll be fun. We’ll each take a turn. I’ll start. Gerard, would you do the honors on the lute?

“Some years ago I wished to be a nun,

But I confess I didn’t have much fun

Until one night I stole a secret kiss

And learned that lips and tongues could lead to bliss.

But there are other places tongues can reach.

I lose my mind when my love eats my peach.”

“Your turn, Daniel,” she said, giving him an innocent smile.

“Good God,” Daniel groaned, shaking his head, and emptying his goblet. “Just please, please never breathe a word of this to anyone, especially your parents.” Alais and Carenza both stared at him as if he’d lost his mind. “Fine,” he grumbled and cleared his throat.

“Pity the man who falls for a de Vere.

You’ll lose your wits and sanity I fear,

For lustful thoughts will haunt you all day long

And make you dream of things priests say are wrong.

I want to tease her ‘til she’s overcome

Then make love to her ‘til my cock goes numb.”

A look passed between him and Carenza that could have set fire to the castle’s stone walls. Alais couldn’t help blushing as she watched them. Gerard cleared his throat loudly to remind Carenza and Daniel of their audience.

“Gerard, are you blushing?” Daniel asked. His friend looked abashed and cleared his throat again. “I think you should go next.”

Fingers skittering from the lute as he missed a strum, Gerard gulped. It took him a moment to regain his rhythm and his courage. At last, he closed his eyes and launched into his verse.

“My lovely wife may not be a de Vere,

But I’m a maudlin fool when she is near.

I like a lady with an ample breast,

And nothing can compare with my love’s chest.

---