She blinked, her face still sad.“I want so much for us,” she said slowly.“But the most important is just to be ourselves and love each other.No lies.”
“No lies.”
I smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead.“Let me make you some dinner.”
“No, James.I have to leave.Nothing’s changed.”
I stared at her like an idiot.What?Hadn’t we just made up?“Quinn, what are you talking about?I thought I made you understand.”
She rolled to her feet and put on her clothes.“You did.But there’s still too many doubts.All I can think of is you kissing that woman.It’s burned in my memory.”
“I explained that—”
“I know!I know what you explained, and I know my body weeps for yours!I know I love you more than anyone, and I don’t want to live without you!But I still need some time and distance.Sex won’t fix it.I’m going to Key West without you.I’m sorry.”
I thought of her, free in Key West, surrounded by her friends, surrounded by temptation.She didn’t need me after all.She was strong enough to leave me behind and make it on her own.My gut twisted, and I watched her walk to the door, her chin tilted upward in that move of determination I knew so well.
“I love you, James.I just need to figure out if it’s enough for us.”
She left.
Chapter Eighteen
QUINN
Something had almost broken when I left him last night.
I wanted to stay.Wanted to weep and take him back in my arms and forgive him.I knew he didn’t love or want Ava.Knew it was a stupid mistake he regretted.But there was so much more working beneath the surface, I began to wonder if I was good for him.
He’d tried to change the core of who he was, in bed and out, to please me.He put me a on a pedestal I never asked for, thinking I was some kind of holy do-gooder meant for gentle hands and sheer adoration.I never wanted that.In Key West, we were equals.We loved each other with an open passion that had no limits, and we never questioned it.
But Chicago had changed so many things.The everyday struggle at life made our island romance feel like a dream.I knew it was real, the way we felt about each other, but I still doubted our future.I needed some time to regroup, think, and make a decision.
But first, I was going to have a chat with Brian.
I headed to New Beginnings and asked Sharon for an appointment.I only had to wait twenty minutes before I stepped into his office.
“Quinn, I thought you were off this week.Big Spring Break.”
I studied his face for a while.Kind eyes, thick ginger hair, laugh lines bracketing his full mouth.His crisp button-down shirt and khakis cut a figure of competence.Brian was an amazing man.Besides his drive to make the world better, I sensed he had a good soul.Attractive.Mature.Intelligent.I imagined our life together, matching perfectly in all ways except the only way that truly mattered.
That unknown element that connected two people.I could spend the rest of my life trying to explain it or put it into words, but it was a gut feeling, a sense of rightness in a crazy world.Brian and I didn’t have it.Would never have it.The only way I could take the job was if he understood it.
“I leave tonight.But I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Of course.Have a seat.”We sat and faced each other.“Is everything okay?”
“I know about your conversation with James.”
He stiffened, but nodded, not denying it.“Okay.Well, I told him some things I’m sure he shared.Are you here because you’re upset with me?”
I sighed.“I’m here because I need to tell you the truth.I thought about us, Brian.I imagined what we would be like if I chose you over James.But I can also tell you it will never happen.I admire you and like you as a friend.I respect you as a boss and the director of the clinic.If James and I broke up, I still wouldn’t date you.We’re not meant to be, but I don’t feel comfortable taking this job if you don’t truly understand.We’ll be working long hours together, and if you can’t get past it, I need to decline the position.”
Relief cut through me.There.It was out, and though I hated the idea of losing the job I’d worked so hard for, I couldn’t deal with the tension between us or the constant concern from James if we did stay together.
Brian looked startled and leaned over the desk.“I’m sorry, Quinn.Sorry I put you in this position or gave you the wrong idea.I do like you, and I see things in you and James that remind me of my ex-wife.But I stepped over the line, especially telling your boyfriend he’s not good enough for you.What do I know?There is no one that could fill the position like you.And I promise, there will be no tension or questionable moves on my part.Do you believe me?”
I looked into his brown eyes and saw the truth.He may have been attracted to me, but he’d never let that take priority over the clinic.I saw the honesty in his face and the apology in his gaze.