Page 5 of Chasing Me

“The veggie omelet.Coffee, please.”

“You got it.”James ordered eggs and bacon.The waitress turned to my Dad.“Can I get you anything else?”

“No, thanks.”

She seemed about to say something else, but he seemed more interested in staring at James.Finally, she walked away, and I let out an exasperated breath.“Dad, the waitress liked you.Why didn’t you talk to her?”

He frowned.“I did talk to her.About my order.You’re seeing things.”

“What I saw was her making googly eyes at you,” I teased.A giggle burst from my lips at the red flush in his cheeks.Dad was attractive, but he refused to date.He always said his one great love had come and gone, and he was fine with keeping himself busy and sober.He did a lot with Alcoholics Anonymous and the New Beginnings Rehab Clinic I wanted to work at.Dad was an attendee and successful graduate.With his tall build, beard, thick, dark hair shot with silver, and blackish eyes, he had a strong presence.People paused when he walked into a room.Another component that made him a great speaker.He commanded attention.

“Let’s switch the subject, shall we?How are you kids doing?”he asked in his usual gruff voice.I caught his emphasis on kids as he looked at James.I slid my hand casually over and linked my fingers with James, giving Dad a subtle warning.He still wasn’t on board with James moving to Chicago to be with me, but he was civil.He tried.Dad didn’t want me to get distracted from my career, hoping I’d go on for my master’s degree in social work.James, unfortunately, wanted Dad to like him so bad my heart hurt.I kept telling him to be patient, and with time, Dad would come around, but so far his approval had been slower than Congress.

James shot him a smile.“Good.Art classes are going well.Quinn got another A on her Advanced Psychology exam.”

Dad nodded.“That’s my girl.Graduate with honors, and it will look damn good for getting that full-time position at the clinic.How’s the nursing home?”

I stole a piece of my father’s toast.“Same.Still don’t like the way some of the residents are treated, but it’s not outright abuse.Just a bit of meanness.”

“You have a soft heart, Quinn.Keep your eyes open and report anything illegal.I think workers sometimes get burnt out.Another thing you continuously watch for, in yourself and others.”

Dad loved to teach.Usually, his words made perfect sense, but sometimes the past reared up, and I got resentful of him telling me what to do.I’d been through Al-Anon and counseling, so I knew those issues would always pop up, but when you spend years taking care of your father and cleaning up his messes, it’s easy to get a bit pissed off when he pretends to know everything.

He’d always been a drinker—an alcoholic—but after my mom died there was no barrier between us any longer.I became the parent, and him the rebellious teen child.Dealing with losing mom and cleaning up my father’s continued drunken escapades made me a wreck.Sometimes, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it.I just wanted to lie down in a ball under a blanket and never get up.

But I did.’Cause I knew my mom was watching me, and wanted me to succeed.I did everything to make her proud.I wasn’t very religious, but I felt her with me most of the time, like this presence wrapped around me in a warm hug.So maybe I was more religious than I thought, or more spiritual.It wasn’t like believing in ghosts, either.Sometimes, when I had to make a hard decision, I’d clear my mind and ask her what I should do, and most of the times I had my answer.

Dad and I finally mended our relationship after he showed me he could stop drinking, but it took over a year for me to begin to trust him again.Now, we met as equals.

“And what about you, James?Any thought to going back to college?”

James squeezed my hand.“No, Mr.Harmon, I’m trying to carve out a career with my art.The basic program is a year, so we’ll see where I’m at then.If I get into the expo in the Spring, I’ll have the contacts I need.”

“No worries with money?”

I froze.This was the sensitive subject I hated discussing.Even though James was worth millions, he’d decided to stop using his trust fund and refused to take anymore of his parents’ money.I was really proud of him, but it was hard to go from the jet-setting life to a small apartment where we really couldn’t afford to go out much anymore.

“Trying to make do.I just got a job at Joe’s Coffee shop for some extra cash, so that’ll help.”

I gasped.“You didn’t tell me about that!”

James shrugged.“Didn’t want to until I got the job.I start Monday.”

The waitress came with our food.Dad pointed his fork at James.“Nothing wrong with hard work in any field.We do what we have to.”

James smiled, but it seemed a bit lackluster.“Absolutely.Besides, I’ll be able to make Quinn those designer coffees she loves.”

I tried to eat my omelet, but my stomach was all twisty.Why was I so nervous about him working at a coffee shop?I agreed with my dad.I’d done jobs at all levels and felt proud no matter what it was.But James had already made so many changes.A year ago, he’d been spending money without a care, traveling to exotic places all over the world.Would serving coffee for tips be too much, too soon?“What about the art store that supplies the school?”I asked.“You’d be so good there.”

“Competition is stiff,” he said, pushing his scrambled eggs around on the plate.“Only a certain amount of spots, and they were already taken.I put in applications all over town, but Joe’s was the one to snap me up.”

I smiled back at him with encouragement.God, I loved him so much and wanted him to be happy.With me.Here, in Chicago.When he first came, the summer was stretched ahead of us, full of lazy mornings and endless possibilities.We spent hours in bed, limbs entangled, wracked in so much pleasure it should have been illegal.But when we both went back to school, things shifted, and the real world settled in.I was used to it, but every day I watched him struggle, trying to get used to a life he’d never known.Even the sex was beginning to change.He was more in control now.Softer.Like I was fragile, and he put me up on a shelf so I wouldn’t break.I’d catch glimpses of the wild lover I adored, but then something changed, and suddenly he was full of control and a bit of distance.Like getting me off was his job, and he wasn’t as caught up in the fall.It was frustrating since our lovemaking had always been raw and frantic, pushing me over the edge in a way I desperately needed.I was always too much in my head, and James balanced that part, ripping down my boundaries and forcing me into listening to my body.Now?He was so...careful.Now he rarely had sex with me in any other place but the bed.I thought of our last encounter, when I’d insisted he take me against the door, and shivered.So hot.Yet he’d tried to drag me to the bed, saying I deserved more.

I tried to bring it up, but it was too weird a conversation.I hoped it was a stage, and soon he’d go back to the James that took what he wanted, breaking me down and building me back up through the physical.I ached to see him succeed with his art and want to settle in Chicago with me, happy forever.

You sound like a Stevie Wonder song.How long can he pretend to want the kind of life you have?When he can have anything at his fingertips just by dealing with his parents?

Be quiet.We love each other.Doesn’t love conquer all?

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