“What do you want, Mist?”
She tilted her head, and the echo of the silver dragon became even stronger, watching me curiously across the gravel. “I don’t really know,” she said, walking forward. “I can’t figure you out, Cobalt. You were a Basilisk. You worked for Talon. We’ve been trained to see everything, everyone, as tools. When did that change?”
I shrugged. “I got tired of it,” I said. “I got tired of the casualties, being expected to turn a blind eye to what I was doing. I got tired of being used for Talon’s dirty work, and seeing people suffer because of me. I guess somewhere along the way I grew a conscience.”
“That seems very human.”
“Maybe.” I looked behind her at the house, where lights glowed through the windows and the echo of laughter reached me over the wind. “Or maybe we’re not that different. Maybe that’s something Talon has tried to extinguish, because if we let ourselves care for anything, eventually we realize how soulless the organization really is. Or maybe, over the generations, we really have become more human.” I remembered the words of a certain red hatchling when she faced me in the shadows of the barn, her eyes bright with very human tears.Dragonscanlove. We are quite capable of every emotion the organization has tried to stamp out.“I don’t know what happened to me,” I said with a shrug. “I can see why Talon doesn’t want us to have attachments—they’re messy and complicated and painful as hell when you lose them. But I’ll take that over what Talon wanted me to become. Ruthless. Someone who didn’t care if their enemiesorallies died, if it benefitted the organization. I just couldn’t do that anymore.”
“And what about me?” Mist asked.
The question was so unexpected that I didn’t understand it for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” She crossed her arms and looked away, frowning. If I didn’t know better, I would say she was almost…embarrassed. “You said that you don’t want any of your allies to die. Does that include a Basilisk who is only here because she was ordered to help you? Or a former enemy who had every intention of killing you in the past?”
“Mist…” I gazed at her in sudden understanding. “We’ve both done horrible things for Talon,” I said softly. “Ember doesn’t really get it. Neither does St. George, or any of the hatchlings. Sure, they know I used to be a Basilisk, but none of them really understands what that means. What I used to do.” I thought back to those long years I worked for the organization. The missions that required me to destroy lives, careers and dreams, all in the name of profit for Talon. “Wes is probably the only one who knows about my past,” I went on, “but there are things I haven’t told even him, things only another Basilisk would understand. You’re an exceptional agent, Mist,” I said. “And I can see why the Archivist chose you. But you’re still young. There’s no mission you’ve completed for Talon that I haven’t done several times over.
“So, to answer your question…yeah, it would bother me.” I caught her gaze as I said this, looking her in the eye. “You might’ve been an enemy in the past, but hell, so was St. George. And Martin. Andallthe soldiers here, come to think of it. Believe me, I won’t shed a tear if any Order fanatics go and bite the dust, but that’s one less warm body that can hold a gun for our side, so I won’t be dancing in the streets, either.”
“Hmm. Well, it’s nice to know I’m in the same boat as the soldiers of St. George.”
“It’s different with you.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, making her cock her head. “You’re one of us, but even more than that, you’re a damn good agent who is probably my equal in everything that matters. You kept your word when you helped us escape Talon. You were essential in getting us to the facility. And I wouldn’t have trusted just anyone to lead the dragonells to safety. Even when you’re driving me nuts, pulling shady shit and never giving me the whole story, I know that you’ll come through for us in the end. If you died…” For some reason, that made my stomach churn a little, and I shook my head. “You’re not in the same boat as the soldiers, I can tell you that.”
She sighed. “Sometimes, I do hate you, Cobalt.”
Stunned at the abrupt change of heart, I blinked at her. “O…kay,” I stammered, utterly confused. “That came out of nowhere. Why?”
“Because I knew who I was before I met you.” She shifted to stare at a point over the distant hills. “I was what Talon required, a Basilisk who didn’t need to know the whys of my missions, I just needed to complete them. No questions, no doubts. Now…” She shook her head. “Now, I have no idea who I am, or what I’m supposed to do when this is all over. You’re making me question everything, and I hate it, because it’s something I can’t seem to control.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Sucks, doesn’t it? Welcome to my world. That’s what happens when you grow a conscience.”
“No.” She took a short breath, regaining a little of her composure. “It’s more than that. It’s…you, Cobalt. For some reason, my distaste of you has grown tremendously.”
My brows arched. “Oh?”
“Yes.” Mist crossed her arms, still not looking at me. “You are constantly on my mind lately,” she said. “I cannot think when you and I are in the same room. Your presence haunts me even when you are out of sight. It is irritating, and I don’t know how to stop it.” She gave a short huff and glanced at me, defiant. “Do you have any suggestions, since you seem to be more adept at these kind of things?”
I swallowed the sudden dryness in my throat.No, I thought furiously.I don’t want this. I’ve already beenthrough enough with Ember. This can’t be happening to me again.
But it was different this time. There was no heat in my veins, no fire consuming me from within. No savage, almost painful yearning from Cobalt toward the echo of the white dragon in the drive. Whatever this was, it was nothing like theSallith’tahn. Whether through time or the knowledge that Ember had chosen someone else, I barely felt the life-mate bond anymore. If I concentrated on it, it was still there, weak and painful. And though my dragon side still keened the loss of his mate, my human self was…almost relieved. I was free. I could finally make my own choice, without following the instinctive pull of theSallith’tahn. And, maybe, that was what Ember had wanted all along.
The only question was…did I wantthis?
I sighed. “I don’t know, Mist,” I told her truthfully. “I think we both know what’s happening, but I honestly couldn’t tell you where to go from here. I have absolutely zero experience with this type of thing, and really, I don’t even know if I want to try. We’ve both seen it happen. We both know how screwed up it can get. I mean, hell, look at Ember and St. George. A dragon and a human?” I shook my head. “If that’s not messed up, I don’t know what is.”
“It shouldn’t be possible,” Mist argued. “We’re dragons. We’re not supposed to feel liketheydo.”
I almost smiled at how much she sounded like me. And how muchIwas starting to parrot the exact same things Ember had said. “Maybe it shouldn’t be possible,” I said, shrugging. “But it is. At least, it is for me. I’ve been around Ember long enough to know that it can happen, and that it’s damned hard to ignore. Ember chose the human knowing what it meant, that they’d only have a short time together. She would rather spend a few years with him than a few centuries with another dragon. That’s how powerful it can be.”
“I don’t see how they do it,” Mist remarked. “Or why. It’s completely illogical.”
“Yeah. I guess it is.” We were dancing around the words, as if not saying them out loud would somehow make it less real. The things that dragons did not experience. Emotion. Attraction.
Love.
Mist looked down with a sigh. I watched her, noting how the moonlight shimmered off her hair, seeming to glow in the darkness. “So, what now?” I asked, feeling a strange pull in the pit of my stomach, urging me toward her. “What do we do about it?”
Mist didn’t reply. Her brow furrowed, and she seemed perched on the razor edge of a wire, able to fall either way. I found myself holding my breath, waiting for her answer, hoping that she would… Actually, I didn’t know. What was I hoping for here?