Page 35 of The Iron Vow

“Dammit.” Puck winced running both hands through his hair, and gave us a hopeless look. “You know, normally I’m better at this sort of thing,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head, “but I think if I try to cheer her up now, she’s just going to stab me. Honestly, I...don’t even know what I could say to her.”

“Is that the reason?” Ash asked, making Puck blink at him in confusion. “You’ve been acting strange, Goodfellow,” Ash went on. “Ever since we met the other Nyx and Varyn. You’re not usually this antagonistic to those who are trying to help us.” His eyes narrowed, and he glanced in the direction Nyx had vanished. “Is there something about Varyn we don’t know?”

“Yeah, you could say that, but...” Puck’s lips tightened. “It’s not my story to tell,” he said, crossing his arms. “Let’s just say I don’t trust the guy. And I hate what running into him again is doing to Nyx. I don’t know if she wants to see me right now, or if it’s better if I leave her alone.” He raked his fingers through his hair again, a pained look crossing his face. “This is a pretty screwed-up situation all around.”

It was, and we would have to deal with the Varyn/Nyx situation eventually, but right now, one of our friends had just learned something devastating about herself and her world. “Go after her, Puck,” I urged. “Don’t try to cheer her up or say anything funny. You don’t have to say anything at all. Just let her know you’re there.”

“Yeah.” Puck looked down the shadowy aisle. “I... Yeah. That’s... I’ll do that.”

He walked into the aisle after Nyx, turned a corner, and disappeared from sight. Leaving me to wonder what terrible secret he was keeping from us. There had to be a reason that Puck didn’t trust Varyn. What did he know about the Evenfaery? Would it put us or the mission in danger?

I sighed, knowing there was nothing we could do about it now. “I hope they’ll be all right,” I murmured. “This has to be a shock for them.”

“For everyone,” Keirran said, his brow furrowed in sympathy. “I can’t imagine what the Evenfey are thinking right now. Suddenly realizing that their whole world is...” He trailed off for a moment, eyes tightening even further. “How could the Lady do this to them?”

Ash turned to me, and in the dimness of the library, his silver gaze suddenly knew far too much. “What about you?” he asked. “How are you holding up?”

I’m fine, I started to say automatically, but the words caught in my throat. My mind was racing, thinking of Gilleas, Other Nyx, Varyn, and the terrible truth of Evenfall.

A dream. We were inside the Dream of the Nightmare King. His last-ditch, certainly desperate, attempt to keep his world and his people alive. I remembered Grimalkin’s warning from earlier regarding the ruler of this world. That the Nightmare King had gone mad with his dreams and forced slumber and now knew only rage, grief, and destruction.

But that didn’t quite make sense with the story I knew now. The Evenfey revered the Nightmare King; they didn’t speak of him as some terrible demigod of violence and anger. Unless he had changed and was no longer the king they knew.

I was floundering. In the past, even when we had been on an impossible mission, facing impossible odds, the path had always been clear. Fight the invading army. Defeat the one who led them. Find the Scepter and bring it back to Faery. Go into the Iron Realm and kill the Iron King. But now, the path wasn’t just unclear, it wasn’t there at all. I had no idea what we could do, for Evenfall, the dreams that lived here, even the Nightmare King himself. If we killed him, the Dream would end. Mad or not, if the king woke up, the Dream would end. The only other option was to make certain the king remained asleep and dreaming, but that didn’t feel like a good solution, either. Would the Nightmare King just remain in perpetual slumber, dreaming of his lost world and people, for eternity?

Ash calmly took my hand and, after a quick glance at Keirran, who gave us a nod, led me into an aisle away from the main pillar. I followed until we were in an isolated corner, surrounded by narrow shelves of books. A moth-eaten sofa was shoved against the wall, a softly glowing lamp sitting on a stand beside it. Ash stood in front of me, silver eyes soft, his gaze questioning. If it had been anyone else, I would have banished the frustrated tears starting to form behind my lids. Let the mask of the Iron Queen fall into place. But with him, it was useless to hide anything, even if I’d wanted to.

“What are you thinking?” he asked softly.

“I just... I feel lost, Ash,” I admitted. “I don’t know how we’re going to fix this. I’m concerned about Puck and Nyx, and what they might know about Varyn. And I’m terrified of what Keirran might do to save them all.”

“I know,” Ash said. “I’m worried about them, too. But there’s nothing we can do about Varyn, and Keirran knows not to promise the impossible anymore. He has learned from what happened with the Forgotten and the Lady. I heard what he said earlier. ‘If there is a way to save Evenfall, we will find it. I wish I could promise you more.’He knows that what we’re attempting might not be possible, and he gave himself enough of an out—barely—to not break his promise should we fail. As for the rest of it...” He sighed. “Whatever happens, we’ll get through it. We’ll find a way, together.”

“How are you so calm?” I asked him. “You always have a plan, Ash. But there’s no good solution here. We’re going in blind, hoping that we can save this world, somehow.”

“I would always prefer to have a plan,” Ash agreed. “Puck never stopped to think things through, and it got us into the stupidest situations. I try to avoid that, if possible.” A smirk crossed his face, before he sobered again. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being with you, it’s that, sometimes, hope is all we have. Against the Iron King, against Ferrum, against the Lady, and even Keirran. Even in the darkest moments, what carried us through wasn’t a grand plan or elaborate scheme, it was our faith in each other. That holds true here, as well.”

I leaned into him, closing my eyes, and he drew me close. “I hope we can do this,” I whispered. “For everyone’s sake. For Keirran, and Nyx, and all the fey that are trapped in this dream. I hope, somehow, we can pull this off one more time.”

“We can’t go back,” Ash murmured. “We can only go forward. I don’t know if it’s possible to save Evenfall, but I do know that we are all going to try. The first step is killing this Elder Nightmare and becoming strong enough to challenge the rest of them. Let’s concentrate on that, before we worry about the Nightmare King.”

“I don’t trust them.”

I opened my eyes. I had found a chair in an isolated corner within the maze of shelves and had settled down with a book to pass the time, but I must’ve dozed off. Voices murmured somewhere in the labyrinth of aisles, though I couldn’t tell where they were coming from. I recognized Varyn’s low tone, however, which meant he was probably talking to Other Nyx.

“They’re from the Nevernever,” the Evenfaery went on, the disgust in his voice evident. “They’re the same kind of fey as the Lady and her circle. Even if what Gilleas says is...is true...” He stumbled over the words, as if loath to say them out loud. “Even if this is just a dream, why should we trust the outsiders? They know nothing of life in Evenfall. You and I, we’ve seen the Nightmares, and what they do. Every day, we strive to keep our kin safe. We risk our lives fighting a war that we will never win. I’ve lost more brothers to the Nightmares than I want to remember. And now we have to keep these outsiders safe, in the hopes that they will somehow reach the Nightmare King and restore this world?” Varyn made a noise of contempt. “Even if they could, what’s to stop them from running off and leaving us the moment they see what a real Nightmare can do?”

“Varyn.” Other Nyx’s voice was sympathetic. “I know you’re angry. Trust me, I know. I was there the night the Lady convinced the others to seal us away. Or...real me was, I guess.” Like Varyn, she faltered over the words, before continuing on. “That night,” she whispered, “I looked into the Lady’s eyes, and there was no remorse staring back at me. She was utterly dedicated to erasing us from existence. In her eyes, we were monsters. I don’t think these fey are the same.”

“Real you,” Varyn muttered, and made another noise of disgust. “Youarereal to me, you know that, right? This other Nyx... I don’t recognize her at all. She served the Lady in the other world, and that did something, changed her somehow. I don’t know what happened to the rest of us in the Nevernever, where ‘other me’ went, but she’s hiding something. She and that Goodfellow both.” I could almost hear Varyn curling his lip at Puck’s name. “I don’t trust her,” he finished. “She is not the faery I fell in love with.”

“I hope not.” Other Nyx sounded vaguely amused. “That would be rather awkward.”

A short, almost surprised chuckle. “You are always so pragmatic.” Varyn sighed. “Nothing fazes you. Even when the world is unraveling around us.”

“I’m not,” Other Nyx said. “You know that. I act calm because I must, as leader of this Order. Even when I’m faced with the impossible, I can’t afford to look weak.” I heard a rustle and assumed she’d leaned back against a bookshelf. “I admit, when I first saw her, in the ruins of the city, I thought she was a shadow. A memory or a piece of me, somehow bought into existence in the other world. But, as it turns out,I’mthe shadow. We all are.

“But this is our world,” Other Nyx went on before Varyn could protest. “This is the only life we’ve known for hundreds of years. I’ll do whatever it takes to save it, if it can be saved. Even if it means protecting the very fey who did this to us in the first place. If there is the slightest chance I can give Gilleas, the Order, you, everyone, back your lives, I will do whatever is required.”

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