Page 40 of Closing on Lynx

“Tina are you okay?” I ask, placing my hand on her shoulder. I look over her shoulder to Moose playing in the backyard.

“What am I doing?” she whispers. Her body starts to shake as she begins to cry.

“Talk to me. What’s going on?” I grab her hand and pull her to the chair at the island. Then head to the door to let Moose back into the house.

“Am I moving too quickly? Should I even be looking at moving on? Should I leave this city? Should I become a recluse and just stay in the house away from everyone,” she asks, as I place a drink in front of her.

“Tina what happened to you, to us, isn’t our fault. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. We were all living our life to the best of our ability when my ex-husband decided to let his psycho loose,” I state, pulling the stuff for a sandwich out of the fridge.

“I know it wasn’t our fault. But this time last year I was madly in love with my husband. I was ready to have a baby and move forward making plans. But here I am, with a man who lives in a clubhouse, or at least I think he lives in the clubhouse. Wondering where I am going to raise our baby,” she finishes, her head hanging low as she picks at her nail beds.

“Tina, you’re pregnant?” I ask, the sandwich I was making left as I walk over to my best friend and wrap my arms around her. Her tears are soaking through my blouse, and my friend lets it all loose.

“I am about six weeks pregnant. I haven’t told anyone yet, not even Brownie. I’m afraid to. How are people going to look me?” she asks, rubbing her face on my shirt.

“Fuck what they think. This is a miracle. This baby will be loved, even if it’s just you and I that love it. I am here for you, and we will make sure this baby is loved everyday of its life,” I state.

“But what will Jackson think?” she asks, her eyes coming to mine.

“How he reacts will tell me everything I need to know about him. No matter what he thinks you will always be my family. This baby is our family, and we will prove to the world that we survived.” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her as she breaks down.

“Life throws so many wrenches at you, and no matter how much you want to give up you just have to keep dodging. Because all it will take is one time the wrench is thrown and hits someone else, taking you off the path and onto one we are meant for,” I state, the sandwich and lunch left on the counter as we comfort each other.

***

“Thank you, Carlos. I appreciate all your help in closing this file.” I hang up the phone and close for the night. I promised Tina we would snuggle on the couch and watch cop shows.

My phone buzzes on my desk. I grab it and leave the office, locking the door behind me. Walking to the living room to find Tina already in her pajamas. “Give me about thirty minutes, then we can order out and watch hot cops on TV.” She smiles at me over her book and drops her eyes back to the pages. She has been reading this series around a club of bikers who are placed all over the world. Each series is written by a different author and the only thing in common is the clubs’ names.

Walking up to my room and directly into my bathroom, I turn on the shower and slowly start to take off my clothes. Catching a glimpse in the mirror, I notice a change in my body. Throwing caution to the wind, I decide to take a test that I have had in my cabinet since everything happened with my ex. I was so afraid I was going to get pregnant from getting raped.

I find an old cup I was supposed to use during a routine blood draw. I couldn’t pee and they gave me a cup to take home. I fill the cup up, place it on the vanity, and dip the end of the stick into the urine. I count to ten, put the cap back on the stick, and jump in the shower.

I quickly move through my routine. Shampoo, conditioner, soap, and face wash. Then I shut off the shower and reach out to grab the towel on the rack. Wrapping it around my body before reaching for the other towel and putting my hair up in it. Glancing down at the stick that’s resting on my countertop, the giant blue plus sign slaps me in the face.

Leaning against the vanity and wiping the steam from my mirror, I stare. Having been told I would never have a baby, and now here I am staring at a fork in the path I was supposed to be on.

“Well, Tina. It looks like our paths have crossed and we are going to be two women raising our babies,” I whisper to the mirror before walking out and getting dressed in my comfortable clothing.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jessikah

“Jessikah Gorman, you’re up. Let’s go and see what we have going on in that body of yours,” the nurse states as she opens the door and allows me to walk through. I have kept my potential pregnancy a secret from everyone, including Tina. I need to make sure everything was correct before I opened my mouth and said anything. There have been so many times the doctors would tell me that my body wasn’t made for having babies. That if it were to ever happen, it would be nothing short of a miracle.

“Okay, let’s get you on the scale so we can get your weight and then I will sit you in the room,” the nurse says again, standing beside the offending machine that will tell me I am overweight. Just another doctor to tell me that I need to lose weight.

The nurse takes my height and my weight, then opens the door and tells me to have a seat and the doctor will be in to see me. The longest wait in history is sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to hear results that will change the path of your future.

“Good morning. My name is Dr. Nolan. I will be your OBGYN. I looked at your blood and urine results. Congratulations, you are pregnant,” she says, smiling at me over her reading glasses that are perched on her nose.

“How? I have been told for years that with PCOS I will never have children. That my body was just not ethically made to have children,” I state and watch the doctor’s mouth drop open.

“A doctor told you that?” she asks, making me nod and look down at my hands. In fact, the doctor basically implied that my entire being was immoral.

“Yes, my old OBGYN told me that with PCOS, it’s like the universe is telling me that I should be alone and single. Immediately, I reported her, and left her practice,” I finish, watching her nod while she looks through my chart.

“Listen, I am sorry that person with a degree said that. PCOS is such a hard diagnosis that most doctors diagnosis you with everything under the sun. But we won’t dwell on the past and we will focus on the future. You are pregnant, and yes you do have PCOS, so we are going to work on everything. I will make sure we forge a plan moving forward,” Dr. Nolan states, standing up and putting her hand on the door.

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