Page 10 of Shaman

And Ian had missed him. Acutely. But he was a horrible person, beholden now to his molesters.Run away, he wanted to tell him.Go back to the life you had before.

But the part of him stripped bare by vodka said,Please, oh darling, I want you so much.

But his heart was breaking, and he was terrified, and he’d had most of a bottle of vodka.

Alec slid a hand down to the front of his trousers…and then froze.

Ian was soft.

Alec’s head kicked back. He uttered a disbelieving sound. “So I was right.” He sounded so hurt. “You don’t want me anymore. There’s someone else.”

“No!” Ian shouted, grabbing at him, gripping his shirt tight in both hands. “No, please, I just…”

Alec’s eyes looked too-bright behind his glasses, watery and vulnerable. He sniffed. “No, it’s okay, I should have–”

Ian didn’t so much drop to his knees as fall to them, clumsy and rushed. He fumbled at the waistband of Alec’s pants with numb fingers.

Alec tried to pull away, breathing fast and irregular. “No. Don’t. Ian–”

But he was hard under Ian’s hands, as he finally opened the button and pulled down the zipper. Hooked his fingers in the belt loops and drew the fine black pants down. Alec’s hard cock strained at the front of his boxers; Ian closed his hand over it and Alec’s protest became a whimper.

Ian swallowed. “Yes?”

Alec gave a wordless, breathy gasp in response.

He drew the boxers down and, too drunk and unsteady for skillful teasing, took Alec’s cock in his mouth. All the way to the base in one clean swallow.

“Jesus,” Alec hissed. Ian heard the sound of his hand slapping at the door for balance. His other hand came to Ian’s head, fingers threading through his hair, gripping his skull lightly, carefully. “Oh…”

Ian was good at this. He could do this in his sleep – no doubt he actually had at some point. He had no gag reflex, and it was something that, with Alec, had never felt like a power struggle. So he shut his eyes, shut down all his rampant worries, and devoted himself to the task. Breathed in the soap and musk on Alec’s skin, gripped his narrow hips with both hands, held him close. Curled his tongue, and hollowed his cheeks, and let experience take over.

He didn’t linger, didn’t try to draw it out; took Alec straight to the edge and pushed him past it. But he allowed himself one glimpse, a quick glance up through his lashes. Alec had the top of his head pressed to the door, eyes shut, lip caught between his teeth. His face was tense with building pleasure…and with grief. There was a deep sadness in him, one that Ian had caused.

Because he was horrible.

Alec cried out softly when he came, heat and salt spilling over Ian’s tongue.

He sucked him through it, easing him, pulled off slow, swallowed, licked his lips. He sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and had no idea where this would go next.

Alec stayed above him a long moment, the door holding him up. Then he took an unsteady step back and folded himself down to sit cross-legged on the floor across from Ian. He took a deep breath and nudged his glasses up his nose.

“Ian,” he said, oddly calm. “I love you. You know I do. But I can’t do this anymore.”

Ian shut his eyes to stop the room from spinning. He felt a sudden, intense wave of nausea, and then it settled again. Something almost like relief took its place. This was it, finally: the end. Waiting for it to happen had become so nerve-wracking that its arrival was a blessing.

“Right then. I’ll call downstairs and ask for another room.”

Alec growled something under his breath and Ian opened his eyes again to find his boyfriend glaring at him. “No, you asshole, that’s not what I mean.”

Ian blinked at him, brain too fuzzy to come up with a proper retort.

“Imean,” Alec said with a sigh. “That we have to have a conversation. A real one. Or go to, I dunno, couples counseling or something.”

Ian snorted.

“I’m dead serious right now.”

“I know you are, darling, but I’m afraid I’m very drunk.” And getting more so by the minute as the vodka worked its way through his system. “In the morning. We’ll talk then. If you’ll let me stay here tonight.”

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