Page 39 of Secondhand Smoke

“No,” she said, going cold all over.

“Yes.” He leaned in closer, grew still more earnest. “I’ve been so, so, so stupid. I’ve been a fucking idiot, chasing after everything I shouldn’t. And I know that now. And I know I want you.”

She was…furious. Heartbroken.

Sam twisted her hand but couldn’t break away from him, grimacing at the tightness of his fingers. “You don’t want me,” she said through her teeth. “You think you do, now, all of a sudden, because Tonya used you and made you feel like shit.” She knew it was true, as she said it, and she hated the tears that sprang up in her eyes. “I make you feel better, right? You said so. Because I’m this pathetic…loser…who has a crush on you, and looks at you adoringly, and makes you feel like a man. You don’t wantme. You want the ego boost.”

“Sam…” He stepped toward her, and she stepped back, still trapped by his hand, grimacing at the pain – physical and emotional.

“I’m your last choice,” she said. “You tried everything, tasted everyone in Knoxville. And when the princess told you off, you came to me, the last ditch effort.” She tried to smile and knew it was an awful expression. “You said so yourself. ‘Finally.’ You’ve finally exhausted every pair of open legs in this city, and now it’s time to try me out.”

“No,” he said, roughly, stepping into her again, holding her fast. He pressed against her, all of him hard beneath his clothes, the leather and smoke smell of him filling her lungs. “No, it’s not like that, I swear. Sam, listen…”

She turned her head away, closed her eyes. But she could still feel him, smell him. Was still shivering.

Aidan’s breath touched her cheek, as he closed in further, invaded her senses. “Listen to me,” he said urgently. “I know I’m not worth a shit. I know I don’t deserve you. ButI know you want me. I canfeelit. I don’t have any of the things I ought to offer you, but I can make your toes curl. I can be good to you that way. And if you’ll just gimme a chance to–”

She shoved him. One-handed, but hard, and he let go of her, out of shock, she thought, going by the way his eyes leapt wide.

“No,” she insisted, tremulous, weak. “I won’t let you use me. I won’t be another notch in your belt, because you feel low–”

He caught her face in both hands, pulled her to him, and kissed her.

A real, violent, hot-blooded kiss, his tongue thrusting between her lips.

She’d never been kissed like that.

It kicked off a slideshow in her mind, drawing on all her wildest imaginings: Her fingernails sunk in the tattooed expanse of his back; rasp of his breath at her throat; swift pain of him coming inside her; his weight pressing her into the mattress; scent of sweat and musk.

“Sam, please,” he said, raggedly, against her lips.

But none of it was real.

The startlingly sexual, animal heartthrob of her youth begging to sleep with her?

That wasn’t real.

“Oh my God,” she heard someone say. A female someone. A voice she recognized: Ava.

“God,” Sam echoed, and tore away from Aidan, not looking back, running for her car.

~*~

Damn his sister. Damn her for popping up when he least needed an audience. Interfering.

He whirled on her, snarling, and watched her eyes open in surprise.Excuse me?they said, as she gripped the handle of her double stroller. In the front seat, little Remy looked up at him, echoing his mother’s sentiment.

Damn both of them, even if onewasa baby.

“Okay, what the hell was that?” Ava asked.

He countered with, “What are you doing here?”

“Dropping off a paper. I go to school here, Aidan. So I think the question is, what are you doing here? Aside from traumatizing Shakespeare professors?”

“None of your goddamn business.” He wanted to stomp off, but knew he was in no shape to get on his bike at the moment. He vibrated head to toe, and he knew that was part frustration, part shame, part lust, part total and complete devastation thanks to what Sam had said. That was when he realized, for the first time, just how serious he was, how much he wanted her, needed her. The One? He’d found her. But he was too late, and he’d treated her too poorly, and now there was no chance.

Aidan scrubbed at his hair with both hands, trying to contain the headache that swelled up behind his eyes.

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