Page 105 of Blood of Wolves

“Matti,” Náli said again, because he could, voice going lower on instinct.

To his wild gratification, Mattiasshivered. “It’s been a long time since you called me that,” he whispered, barely discernable over the pop of the fire.

“When I was little,” Náli agreed. “You always climbed into bed with me when the nightmares were too terrible. You let me cry all over you.”

A beat passed, firelight dancing over the shaved side of Mattias’s head, shifting over the folds of his cloak and revealing the way it quivered, as his body was wracked with little tremors. “It was my duty to–”

“To pet my hair?” Náli pressed. “To rub my back and tell me funny stories until I laughed? To” – gods, his throat was tight, his pulse high at the base of it – “kiss me on the forehead and tell me everything would look better in the morning?”

Mattias took a measure breath that seemed to take effort. “A Guard should protect his master, even from nightmares.”

“None of the others did.”

“Yes, well. They didn’t have to. Because I was there.”

“And why were you there?”

“My lord–”

“Why are youalwaysthere? You don’t have to be, you know. You and the others could take turns. Rotate shifts. Klemens could carry me to bed sometime. Einrih could steady my arm when I go walking on the other side. Danski could remind to eat, to sleep.”

“My lord–”

“Darri could–”

“My lord.” A plea, now. And not one without anger.

Náli was…was exhilarated, breaths coming fast, heart beating a rapid tattoo against his ribs. He felt as though he’d finally dug his thumbs inside the skin of a ripe fruit, and was pulling, pulling, ready to finally split the peel. Just a little more…a little further…

“You don’t have to be celibate, you know,” he said, and Mattias jerked as if pulled by string, head snapping up, gaze blowing wide. “You could take lovers. You could steal into the bed of a maid – or a footman – on cold nights. You don’t have to be lonely in the wee hours.”

Náli barely managed not to laugh at the way Mattias’s face contorted, as he tried to reconcile what his master had just said. “It – it’s against our code – we – we are ”

“Code, code,” Náli said with a dismissive wave. “Who cares? I don’t, and I’m the lord. That’s what matters, right? So long as you don’t beget a pack of bastards. Do you think I don’t know about Danski, and Darri, and Einrih’s little arrangement? That those three enjoy one another, rather than risk gossip?”

Mattias looked like he’d been struck.

“Do you think I’m ignorant of Klemens and his discrete visits to brothels? The others fuck. Why shouldn’t you?”

“I – I – my lord–”

Náli leaned forward suddenly, teeth bared. “Don’t blame it on duty, Mattias! Why do you deny yourself?Tell me: that’s a command.Why not?”

Mattias stood, helpless a moment, staring. Then, slowly, his gaze narrowed, and his jaw tightened, and his hands curled to fists at his sides. His head lowered a fraction, chin tucking down, and the fire threw shadows over the harsh planes of his face, and,oh, thatdid thingsto Náli. “Youknowwhy,” he growled, and it was Náli’s turn to shiver.

“Everyone thinks I’m a know-it-all brat,” he said, a little breathless, “but I don’t actually know everything. You have to tell me.Tell me, Mattias.”

For a long, fraught moment, Náli didn’t think his ploy would work. It had been worth trying, but Mattias was too noble, too steady, too dedicated to his role as captain and protector. He hoped that exhaustion, and worry, and unthinkable circumstances would tip the scale in his favor, but Mattias was sovery good–

With a rough inhale, and a flexing of strong arms, Mattias strode back toward him.

Oh gods, Náli thought with triumph. The scale tipped, the fruit peeled, and then Mattias was right in front of him, fisting the hair at the back of his head, and shoving his face into Náli’s.

His expression cracked, anger giving way to anguish. His grip was firm, but gentle,holdingNáli to him. “Would you have me stoop so low?” he rasped. “Would you have me forsake my vows and betray my order?”

Náli was helpless but to touch his face, feel the leap of muscle and the bristle of short beard beneath his palm. “No. I would have you want me. I would have you love me.”

“Ido.”

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