Page 111 of Love me Like XO

After finding the car keys, I grabbed two of them and made my way into the garage. It didn’t matter what car worked, I just needed to pop the trunk. I needed to put everything in it so that I could get out of here by seven. I had already made up my mind on what I was doing. The plan was to get as far away as possible. Though Illinois was huge, I didn't even want to be here. I had to go because nowhere in this space was safe, my life depended on it. I wasn't sure what had happened with Rikov and his brother or whoever he hired to kill my brother, but I did know that's nothing had took place. I mean why else would Givens be calling me so much? Part of me wanted to answer the phone to see what he was talking about, but the other part wanted to just go. The other part needed to just go. Something told me I needed to seek safety because this storm wasn't over and that any givenmoment Givens could come here to me. He needed not to know where I was. Nobody needed to know my location. I had to protect myself because I had burned the only bridge to the only person who would protect me. Every day I regretted shooting my brother. That moment lived on my brain constantly because it was in that moment when. I probably lost him before that, but it didn’t matter. The facts were the facts. I’d shot my blood brother to save a nigga I was just fucking. A nigga who was probably dead anyways.

Hell they were all probably dead, well everybody except Givens. Either way my brother wasn’t the type of nigga to eat crow or die. He always came out on top. It was almost like he was God’s chosen one or some shit like this. Chosen to be protected while the rest of us walked around this motherfucker like mere fucking mortals. Guess you could say I was jealous of that ability, bit there wasn’t anything I could ever do about it, because again he was who he was.

Being here like this had forced me to do a lot of reflection. Me questioning why I was the way I was, but I came up with nothing. Absolutely nothing because nobody told Aurora to have me in the first place. Nobody told her to hand me her gypsy traits, amongst others. Then nobody told her to abandon us. To leave me with people who wouldn’t understand me, because she was the only one who could. Afterall she was just like me, right?

My plan was simple. I was leaving behind the godforsaken coast and never coming back. I was looking for the mother who never stayed in the same place long enough to plant roots. I wanted answers, answers that only she could provide.

Once I had the trunk filled, I started the car. After getting in, I pulled the burner phone from my pocket and dialed up my brother. I hoped he didn’t answer, because what I had to say was better left on a voicemail. I was no sentimental ass bitch who was gonna cry and beg for forgiveness. I was a realist, so I knew Iwasn’t getting forgiveness. I knew that their lives had continued without me, and I wasn’t mad about.

Sorry, the person you have dialed is not accepting calls right now. Please leave a detailed message after the beep, then press pound.

Silence surrounded me for a few seconds, before I mustered the word “Hello.”

“Before you met her, you used to save me. You used to put on your cape and come to my rescue every time, never mind the fact that I was the antagonist and the problem every time. You were my big brother, but somewhere along the line your lenses of me changed. You overlooking my choices and attempted to hold me accountable. I blamed it on her, shit I still do. Still feel like had you never met her we’d be good. I’d fuck up and you’d save me. Our dynamic would go unchanged until the end of time. Fucked up right? I know. I wanted to be sorry, to apologize for my choices and want forgiveness. But you know me better than that. I craved the chaos that I brought into your life, loved the irritation that settled into your expression every time you wanted to tell me to kick rocks, but you didn’t. You didn’t until that day you she called you. That day you chose her over me for the last time. Like I said I’m not calling you for you to feel bad, or for any sort of apology. This is just me letting you know I’m good, well if you give a shit. Have a good life Ro.” By now the garage door was lifted and I was pulling out.

I hung the line up and tossed the phone out of the window as I sped away from the place I never wanted to see again. I wouldn’t miss shit about this place and that was all I could say.

Chapter 20

End of Time

MALIK

The moment my eyes rested on my god sons I just knew the world had to change. So, even before Zero gave me that look I had already put in the call to Gram for Given’s exact location. I knew my brother like the back of my hand, as soon as Empress and the twins went to sleep we were slipping away to finish this shit for once and for all. This wasn’t something we needed looming with the way life seemed to be going. Everything was good, and the last tings niggas needed was some unnecessary, loose ends fucking with progress.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Life baby girl, you?” I peered at my baby who had just handed Em one of the twins.

“You, and life. Let’s go get some coffee.” Seconds later her hand was intertwined with mine and she was pulling me in the direction of the door. She wanted some private time and I got that.

“I love you.” Her words were heavy. “So fucking much, that I gotta ask myself if I’m crazy sometimes.”

“I’ll answer that for you. Certified, baby. And bout you I’m the same. Probably worse, type to be committed because I’m on timing like old boy from Fear.”

She giggled. “He was a psycho, Malik.”

“So, behind you I’ll be just that. Let a motherfucker fuck with it.” We reached the kiosk for the coffee. While she ordered, I just looked at her. In complete fucking awe of her. Stuck on the fact that she belonged to me. Sometimes I got on that sap shit, found myself in sentimental territory because on some real shit I loved Ree’s ass past death. Damn that from the bottom of my heart shit, I loved from the bottom of my fucking soul. Caught myself in the oddest moments grateful for not fucking up in the moments that I could have. Loving a person whole was a responsibility that most niggas shied from, but not me. My ass was in love, fucking stuck and completely head over hills for my crazy ass future wife.

“Are you thirsty?” She glanced over at me.

I looked the options over, before responding. “Gimme that blue Gatorade.”

She nodded toward the man, then looked back at me.

“I love you so much that I know when something is troubling you. When you’ve got things on your mind , or when you’re carrying things that you don’t want me to know about. Love you that muc?—”

I was about to speak, but she held her hand up.

“Let me finish, please.”

I nodded giving her the floor.

“With that being said, I’m giving you this weekend to get whatever is plaguing your mind off your mind, because I need you here both physically and mentally. I need your mind here and not split with somewhere else. I need you present.”

Instead of attempting to lie to her, and assure her that I was here, I nodded. “I got you.”

“Good.”

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