Page 13 of He Thugged Me First

I shook my head. He was dead right, but I refused to tell him that.

Out of nowhere, he sniffed the air before a smile graced his face. “And you’re wearing my favorite shit. You bet not be wearing it when you’re around that nigga. Better be wearing Dove and Dial around his ho ass.”

That prompted a laugh from me. He was referring to my favorite scent from the only skincare place I shopped. KenScentuals was an all-natural skincare shop that had everything a person needed to smell and feel good. His favorite scent that I wore was the Mango-Cotton Candy. The smell was so succulent and sweet that it made me feel all edible and shit. Anytime I wore it around Kasair, he claimed I only used it to get a physical reaction out of him. He was so wrong; I just wanted to smell good. The best thing they could’ve done was intertwined the Loofah with the soap. I swear when I used it, I felt like I was scrubbing away the day. “Everything is not about you, Kasair.” I crossed my arms and studied him.

“You say that, but I know it’s a cap. It’s cool though. I’mma let you have it and bite that ass tonight.” He winked. “Now what do you want on your plate?”

That was one thing I loved about him. He was the first and only nigga I knew who didn’t expect me to make his plate, but instead, he was always making mine anytime we were at his or my place. He was a very complex creature that I had grown so close to, even when we were distant and I swore I was done. This was the problem though. I’d be done with him, and then he’d show up doing shit like this. Like damn, why couldn’t he stay away and let me get over him with the out of sight out of mind technique?

Chapter 4

GAYZE

“How did it feel?” Kenya asked, boring into my soul as I lie back on her big plush sofa. She was my therapist, the person I told everything to and didn’t feel judged. I had started coming to see her when I came back and realized I had really bad anxiety.

“To see him or save him?” I asked, focusing on the cushion under me. I always had to focus on something other than myself when talking about my feelings, or I’d feel like I couldn’t breathe and start hyperventilating.

“To see him?”

I squinted my eyes closed and tucked my lip below my teeth choosing my words wisely before I spoke. “Like I was thrust back into my past. Like I was a teenager again, sneaking out of my grandmother’s window going to see him.”

She tapped her pen against the notepad in her hand, something she always did when she was thinking. “Do you love Chase?” she asked.

“I used to.” I opened my eyes and looked at her.

“You’ve never said that before. Has seeing Mazzier put you in a different frame of mind?”

I just looked at her. I didn’t have an answer for what she was asking. My brain was still reeling off of seeing him and saving his life. He was heavily on my mind.

“So, when is the next time you’ll be seeing Mazzier?” she asked with hopeful eyes.

“I don’t know. Hopefully never.” I mused. Of course I didn’t mean it, but I was still holding a grudge with him, or was I not? When I saw him go down that day, I couldn’t help but jump into action while the rapid beating of my heart pushed me to work.

“Cute. Have you ever thought about getting closure?”

“I’m from the hood, Kenya. Closure isn’t something you get there. People just get over things, just like?—”

“You have when it comes to Chase? Have you grown tired of him?” she asked, boring at me with her big, brown eyes. If she wasn’t my therapist, I’d think she was nosy.

“Grown? No, Kenya. I am tired of him.” I shook my head in pure disgust. I hated it but, since seeing Mazzier, I got more irritated with Chase than usual because he wasn’t him.

She giggled. “So seeing Mazzier has put you in a state of confusion, or do you see things more clearly?”

Defensively, I shook my head. “It has nothing to do with Mazzier. Chase and I haven’t been compatible for years. I just stay out of comfort.” I shrugged, glancing up at the clock behind her. My time was almost up.

“You’ve said this before but blamed it on frustration once you retracted it. How does being with Chase make you feel?”

“Like I’m wasting my time with a man who doesn’t even see me. We’re so different since the move, that I’m pretty sure I don’t even see him. Back home, I felt like we knew one another,or at least I thought we did. Now, I don’t even know who I am, let alone who the hell I go to bed with most nights.”

“Then why stay? It has to be uncomfortable being with a person who you don’t know.”

I shrugged. “Uncomfortable, but comfortable.”

“Was it that bad with Mazzier?” she asked. She always did this. She’d catch me slipping in one topic and switch back over. It was a classic tactic to force me to think deeper.

“No. It wasn’t bad until the end. Hell, even then I felt like it was a dream. Most of my best moments were with him, to be honest.” I smiled.

“He made you happy?”

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