Page 126 of Downfall

I gulp, swallowing down the lump that’s building in my throat. I can do this, I tell myself but I’m afraid I’ll be a blubbering mess.

Roman opens the French doors and both Sofia and Lara come to a stop. Lara smiles at Roman and then looks at me.

We’ve never made eye contact. Every time I’ve seen her in the park I’ve looked away, I’ve had too, but as I stare at her I realise she has my eyes. Roman’s face shape, but my eyes.

“Lara.” I whisper her name, but no noise comes out, I just silently mouth the word.

She tilts her head a little then looks back at Roman. Already I can see that she trusts him. And that feels like another stab right into my heart.

“Lara, this is your mummy.” He says.

She bites her lip, frowning, and looks back at me.

“Hi Lara.” I say, feeling stupid, feeling like I should have something better to say. Something more.

“They said you were away.” She says. “Are you back now?”

“I am.” I say. “And I’m not going anywhere again.”

She steps closer, clearly she’s hesitating but as Roman holds out his hand she takes it readily and he leads her closer to me.

“What happened to your face?” She asks.

I frown running my hand over my cheek, feeling the bruising, the cuts from all the fighting I’ve been doing. “I… it doesn’t matter.” I reply not sure what else to say. I can hardly tell my child what I’ve been through, what I’ve done just to get this one moment right here.

“Lara.” Roman says. “From now on you’re going to live here with me, like a proper family.”

She frowns more, looking at me. “What about you? Do you live here too?”

“I…” I glance at Roman. This is his house. The Montague house. I don’t even know if he wants me here, I can hardly say yes despite how much I don’t want to leave her.

“Your mum will be here as much as she can.” Roman says which seems to answer it. That he doesn’t want me here, that Lara will be in his custody. That I’ll be a part time mother at best.

I fight the bile that rises in me. It’s still better than what I had. I have to remind myself of that. At least this way I have some sort of a relationship instead of nothing at all.

“Why can’t you stay too?” She asks.

“Lara.” Roman says gently in a tone that already makes him sound more like a parent than I ever have. “Your mum and I have some things to work out. But she’ll be here as much as you want.”

“Promise?” She asks.

He smiles holding his little finger up. “Pinky promise.”

She grins wrapping her finger with his and shaking it.

“How about I sort some cake?” Sofia says.

I’d almost forgotten she was here and as I look at her she’s giving me a sympathetic look that I know I don’t deserve and it takes all my focus to stop the tears prickling my eyes from falling in this moment.

“Cake would be good.” I reply.

“Can we have chocolate cake? That’s my favourite.” Lara says.

“We can have whatever cake you want Larabell.” Sofia says laughing.

She’s given her a nickname already?

Lara laughs as Sofia ruffles her hair. God, she fits with them. It’s been barely more than a day since he found out she exists and already Lara is slotting into the Montague household and further away from me than ever.

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