Page 127 of Downfall

“Why don’t you go with Aunty Sofia? Help her cut the slices.” Roman says and Lara nods following Sofia into the house before I can object, so I’m forced to just watch her, my daughter, disappear away from me.

“Rose.” Roman says gently.

“What?” I say more aggressively than I mean to.

“I know how you’re feeling…”

“You know nothing.” I snap.

He sighs. “I’m not taking her from you.”

“But she’s staying here with you. She’s already comfortable with you and Sofia’s even given her a nickname…” I’m ranting I know but all my pent up emotions are coming out like a tsunami I can’t contain. “I’m her mother.”

“And I’m not denying that.” Roman states. “If I had my way I’d move you in too. Have you both here but I know you’d refuse.”

I blink, shocked at his admittance. “What?”

“I meant what I said. I’m not going to keep her from you. You’re her mother. She needs to get to know you and right now this is all new territory. Her head is spinning from the last twelve hours. We have to take this slowly for her sake as well as ours.”

I know he’s right. She must be as messed up as me from all of this so I nod agreeing because what else can I do?

“Trust me in this Rose. I’m not going to screw you over.”

I grit my teeth realising that I have to trust him. I don’t have any choice because he’s got all the power but right now I want to, I want to believe him so badly. I just hope I’m not making another mistake.

“Come on. Let’s go join them.” He murmurs.

I follow him out but as we head down the hallway I voice the words spinning in my head. “I’d say yes. If it wouldn’t endanger her more, I’d say yes to staying here.”

He pauses. “Why would it endanger her?”

“My father. If he knows you have her, if he knows I’m here…”

He lets out a huff. “I can manage him.”

“He’s dangerous.” I state.

“I know.” He replies. “But aren’t you done having him dictate your life?”

“Yes.” Of course I’m sick of it. I’m twenty six years old for fucksake. Most teenagers have more freedom than I do.

“Then stay here. We’ll be careful but Lara needs you.”

I want him to say he needs me. I want him to say it more than anything but he doesn’t. He just opens the door to the kitchen and I see them there, laughing and scoffing cake.

I smile at the scene before me. As much as my heart feels like it’s breaking, I have my daughter and that alone is enough.

It will be enough.

Rose

We spend the day together. Me, Roman, Sofia, and Lara. The whole thing feels surreal to the extent I keep wanting to pinch myself, to make sure this isn’t some dream.

Too often I seem to catch Roman’s eye as Lara says something, or does something, but I’m quick to drop it. I can’t look at him right now because all I feel is confusion and guilt.

He’s so natural with her. So confident too. I don’t know how to tally this with the man who betrayed me six years ago. The man who essentially told me to kill our child. To murder the girl who he so happily accepts now.

He said he didn’t know so how does he explain those messages? Those replies? Because it wasn’t like I imagined that.

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