Page 139 of Downfall

I’ll admit that I’m enjoying it. Mostly. Though every now and then I get this fear that this might all be a trick, that he might just change his mind, that he might decide that he doesn’t want to share Lara after all and then I’ll be thrown out, left to face my father’s wrath and Darius’s too.

But each time I feel that, it’s like he knows, it’s like he senses it and he’s there proving that that’s not the case, that it’s just my crazy head, just my crazy insecurity.

He cooks us dinner, we all sit around this massive table together. Ben and Sofia are there. Sofia is chatting away with Lara and Ben keeps looking between me and Roman like he wants to say something.

I guess he hasn’t forgiven me yet.

So I try to ignore him, to keep my focus on my child, on Roman too.

Roman keeps piling Lara’s plate up, making sure she’s eaten enough and Lara keeps sliding the veggies off when she thinks we don’t notice.

“You have to eat them.” I say to her. “They’re good for you. They’ll make you grow big and strong.”

“I’m already strong.” She replies. “Strong just like my daddy.”

I let out a snort just as Sofia does and we catch each other’s eyes.

Roman looks so proud. “That’s right Sweetpea.” He says.

“Sweetpea?” Sofia repeats.

“You have a pet name for my daughter, I don’t see why I can’t.” He states.

Sofia smirks before looking across at me. “What’s yours then?”

“My what?” I say.

“Your pet name for Lara?”

I frown. I haven’t even thought of one. It’s hard enough to say her name, to believe this is all real, that it’s not about to be ripped from me, that my daughter is actually sat here in front of me.

“Sofia.” Ben says gently and I look across at him then.

He looks back giving me a mix of sympathy and something else I can’t read.

I let out a deep breath, realising that I’m making this awkward now. “I haven’t thought of one.” I say. “I’m still trying to get my head around this.”

Roman reaches across, taking my hand and he squeezes it. “Take your time.” He murmurs.

I feel my heart leap, I feel my grief almost ease a little at his words. I look back at Lara and she’s smiling back at us. “Do you know what your father used to call me?” I say to her.

She shakes her head.

“He used to call me Trouble.” I state.

She laughs. Roman laughs too.

“You were trouble.” He says. “My trouble.”

I shake my head. “I think we both know you were the troublemaker out of the pair of us.”

He grins more. “Nah, you were the one leading me astray, from that first day I laid eyes on you, I would have given you my soul. All you had to do was ask.”

I clear my throat, glancing at Ben and Sofia, as my cheeks heat. How have we gotten onto this?

Sofia is smiling, and Ben, he’s looking at Sofia as he understands, as if he knows exactly what that feels like.

“We should get you to bed.” I say to Lara. “Bath and bed.”

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