Page 119 of Reckoning

“I doubt I’ll ever be the old me.” I mutter before I think.

Rose reaches across, squeezing my hand. “Neither will I. But you know, I like who I am now, scars and all. I like the fact that after spending an entire life bending and breaking for other people I now know my strength. I know when push comes to shove, I can be just as ruthless, just as merciless as anyone else in this damned city.”

Is that why I feel the need for revenge so much? Not just because they’ve done me wrong, not just because they put me through things no human should ever have to endure, but is it because I need to prove something to myself?

“Sofia?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking.” I say quickly.

“I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay.” I smile. “I’m just trying to figure some things in my head.”

She gives me a wary look but thankfully lets it go.

“How’s Lara?” I haven’t asked about her in ages. Roman sends me videos of her being cheeky, or naughty, or just playing with Bella.

“She’s good.” Rose grins. “She’s starting to go on and on about how she wants a little sister and will be really angry if I have a boy.”

I laugh. “Oh dear.”

“I’m hoping it is a boy.” Rose says. “Because it will be a good learning opportunity for her.”

I snort back. I don’t doubt Lara will have an absolute paddy if it is a boy.

“Ben’s been watching her a lot.” Rose adds and I wince.

“Is he, is he okay?” I ask gingerly.

“He’s fine.” She replies but I hear the hint of something in her voice.

“Has he said anything, about me being here?”

She frowns for a second. “No, at least not to me. Maybe he’s spoken to Roman. But he wants the best for you. That’s all Ben wants.”

“I know.” I murmur. But that doesn’t ease the guilt, does it?

“So, you and Koen?” Rose says nudging me.

“I,” God I blush like a teenager. “It’s very early days.” I state, like he isn’t already fucking my brains out.

“But you like him?” She asks.

“He’s, well, he’s Koen, isn’t he?” I reply.

She sniggers. “Is he all growly and possessive with you?”

“Sometimes.” I laugh. “But he’s also really helping. He listens. He doesn’t seem to judge. He just, when I’m with him I don’t feel like a complete waste of space.”

“Why would you ever feel like that?” Rose frowns.

“Because,” I turn my face away sighing for a second. “Roman was our father’s favourite.” I explain. “He could never do anything wrong, but me…”

She nods, like she gets it. “You were never good enough.” She guesses.

“No,”

“Yeah, my parents were like that too. It messes with your head.”

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