Page 16 of Reckoning

She grins up at me as Ben walks into the office with that sheepish look on his face and Bella is there, circling at my feet.

The little dog is a cross breed but clearly she’s been recently groomed because she looks far more like a pug than usual, with her big bug eyes poking out and her crooked teeth on display.

“Stay.” Roman mouths at me.

My shoulders slump, not enough for them to notice, not enough for anyone to see. But I give in. I nod. Reminding myself that I can’t always be selfish, I can’t always put my needs first. Family is about making sacrifices, about working together. If I want to get back to where I was, then maybe a bit of faking it till you make it could help - I mean it certainly can’t make it any worse, can it?

Sofia

The hotel foyer is buzzing with people by the time I get back. There’s been a four day carnival and the entire city is rammed to the rafters with all the extra tourists.

I don’t mind the noise. I don’t mind the commotion. Most of these people have no idea who I am as I make my way across the polished marble floor so I slip by like I’m a ghost, but then that’s how I prefer it.

My driver dropped me off at the grand entrance so, thankfully, I didn’t have to wander through the dark carpark alone.

I get to the lifts just as they ping open and behind me someone shouts out. Instinctively I turn in the direction of the sound.

There’s a man staring right at me. He’s running, all but sprinting in my direction. I step back, press myself against the back mirror. My heart is racing, my throat is constricting tighter and tighter as he gets closer.

I can’t move.

I’m frozen paralysed as my fear engulfs me.

I want the lift to shut. I want whatever the fuck is happening to stop.

He rushes in, smiling. “Thanks.” He says slumping against the wall in a way that tells me he’s definitely drunk.

Reality hits me as I stare at him. He wasn’t attacking me. He was just asking me to hold the lift.

He glances at me and I wonder if he can see the sweat on my brow or the fact that I’m as white as a damned sheet.

Maybe he can hear my breath, maybe he can hear how ragged it is.

“What floor are you?” He asks.

I gulp, unable to form any actual coherent words.

He glances at the row of buttons. “Oh, penthouse. Nice.” He says flashing me another smile.

I give him a weak one back and then mercifully the lift stops. The doors open. Freedom seems to lurk just ahead of me.

“This is mine.” He says and I nod like that’s even a normal response. He gives me a strange, confused look that I don’t doubt I deserve.

And then walks out, disappearing down the generic corridor to wherever his room is located.

As soon as I get into my place, I slump against the door. Christ, I really have lost it, haven’t I? The poor man was simply trying to get to his room. He was simply doing what every normal person in this hotel does and yet I acted like a total freak.

I let out a groan, kneading my forehead.

My stomach rumbles, reminding me that though I had dinner barely an hour ago I didn’t really eat all that much, I more picked at it. I don’t like eating in front of others. I don’t know why, I don’t even know where the issue came from exactly but I feel so self-conscious, like I’m being judged.

But when I’m alone I eat just fine.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons I still stay here. In this penthouse. I like the fact that I have twenty four hour room service. And I like the fact that they know to simply leave it by the door and not make a big deal of it.

I all but crawl over to where the phone is and order my favourite meal; cheeseburger with extra fries and a large strawberry milkshake. Yeah, I know I said I only drink water but this is the one indulgence I allow myself.

It’s not healthy.

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