Page 100 of Depravity

He broke my spine. He broke my spine.

Grief seems to engulf me. It’s like I’m drowning in it, drowning in the loss of something I thought would never be taken.

“Ssssh, it’s okay.”

His fingers stroke my hair, his touch so soft and gentle and loving.

I can’t stand it. I can’t stand that he’s like this. That he acts all kind, all caring when deep down we both know he’s a monster.

“I hate you.” I scream out. “I fucking hate you.”

It’s all I have left now. My words. I can’t physically fight him in any way, but I’ll make sure he knows that it makes no difference, that it will never make any difference.

His hand stills, he lets out a low breath and I can see how he shakes his head in disappointment.

“You won’t, soon this will all be sorted. This will all be fixed.”

What the fuck is he talking about? Fixed? How can it be fixed? Nothing he does now will ever fix what he did to me, will ever repair all the awful things he’s inflicted upon my poor broken body.

“I don’t need you to love me, Brynn.” He says, planting an almost chaste kiss on my lips. “I don’t need that from you, because my love is enough for both of us.”

What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck is he talking about?

My rage seems to engulf me more. I thought he would kill me, God, I hoped he would. I thought when he saw what I did, how I’d mutilated myself, that he would see this entire thing was pointless.

Why am I not dead? What more could he possibly want from me?

“Just relax, Brynn, it’ll all be over soon.”

All of what? I turn my head, trying to make some sense from the madness. In the corner of the room, the doctor is there, setting something up, some sort of machine. It’s big, on wheels, and he pulls it over before placing the metal band around my forehead.

“This will only last a few seconds.” He says.

What will? What is going on?

The doctor tells Conrad to step back. My husband tilts his head, looking annoyed at having to let me go for even a second but he does it, he stands back by a good metre.

“Trust me, Brynn.” He says with that intense, almost psychotic look in his eyes. “This will fix it; this will fix everything.”

“What’re…?” My words turn to a scream.

Pain. Indescribable pain wracks through my body. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t move as my body spasms. Electricity pumps into me, through me. It shocks every cell in my body, and it feels like my eyeballs are going to explode. It’s so much worse than the collar. So much stronger.

There’s a high-pitched ringing in my ears. I know it’s my voice, I know it’s me, screaming and screaming but it sounds so much more than that.

And then it stops.

Everything falls silent.

My body slumps back against the hard metal gurney that I’m lying on while my heart seems to race so fast, I think it’s going to give out.

“You’re certain about this?” The doctor asks. But not to me.

Conrad nods, and it feels like a death knell. It feels like that colossal hammer coming down on my spine all over again.

I can’t even move my mouth to speak, I can’t even form words. Whatever they’ve done has rendered me mute. My hands try to twist, try to plead, but even they won’t respond. It’s as if my muscles no longer work. As if all of me is now paralysed.

I stare back, my eyes flitting from one man to the other and back again.

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