Page 131 of Depravity

And then the wolves came knocking, and I couldn’t defend her.

I hang up, and I throw the phone. I’ve never been helpless. Never felt helpless. I’m a damned Blake for God sake. We make the rules, the world bends to us.

And yet, in this moment, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this.

Everything is so fuzzy.

I roll over, and it feels like the entire world moves. Like the entire world rotates around me and not the other way.

My lips feel big. Swollen. I’ve been chewing on them for hours. There’s a lump of flesh in my mouth between my teeth where I’ve been gnawing enough to draw blood.

Blood.

There was blood before.

A lot of blood.

I spilled blood. My blood. Other people’s blood.

I killed people.

Is that why I’m here? In this darkness. Is this what death is? Is this purgatory that I’m in?

It’s drool, the dripping. It’s my drool escaping my lips, falling down my chin and onto my chest.

There’s a high-pitched sound, like a whirling machine that’s gone slightly wrong. It goes on and on and on, and I need it to shut up.

Shadows move around me.

It’s too bright to open my eyes. I try to lift my arms, but they must be weighed down. They’re too heavy, too big to lift. I have monster arms. Great, grotesque things that spiral out from my sockets.

And that screaming goes on.

Footsteps come near.

I can see blurred faces. They look cartoonish, they look like cartoon devils come to steal my soul. Only, I lost it long ago. I lost it the day my husband took me to Oblivion.

A cackle rings out at that thought, and I know the noise escapes me.

I am soulless. I am devil-like.

I deserve death.

A torch is shone right into my eyes and I hiss, trying to bat it away.

I don’t want the light. I want dark.

Stay away from the light. Stay away from the bright.

“The drugs should be all out of her system.”

Those words dance in my head. They spin, bouncing off the walls of my brain.

Drugs.

The word hangs there in technicolour, flashing like an alert going off.

Is that another thing I’ll be punished for?

---