Page 132 of Depravity

“If that’s the case then why the fuck won’t she shut up?”

Shutttt up. Shutttt up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

I’m screaming those words, hissing them. Why can’ttheyshut up? Why can’ttheygo away? I want to be here; I want to lie here and just die forever.

A hand slaps my face. I know it’s my father’s. I know the feel of his palm now, the roughness of his flesh.

“Fix it.” Someone snarls.

“Fix.” I repeat, like that is the answer to everything. All everyone has tried to do is ‘fix’ me. Always fix me, because I’ve never been right. Never been good. There’s something wrong with me, something broken.

Only, this time they were the ones doing the breaking.

I’m pulled around, yanked violently across the carpet that I’m lying on. It burns my skin. My hair gets caught under someone’s boot, and that high pitched ringing becomes more intense as I try to get free.

“Fix.” I repeat again.

Fix. Fix or die. Fix or die.

Those are my options.

My heart thrums in my chest. It’s like a battle cry, a beat I can no longer recognise.

“Fix.”

“For fucks sake.” Someone snarls and a boot comes from nowhere, slamming into my ribs.

I hiss more, I snarl back like the devil I am.

“Give her time. She’s only just come round.” My father reasons.

Round. Around and around. The world is round. The earth is round. My skull was round before Conrad punctured it.

The lights suddenly go out.

Darkness swallows me up again.

And that ringing, screaming noise continues.

Ring.

Ring and ring.

And moan.

And groan.

I roll over as the light once more attacks. It’s like laser points, jabbing at me. Slashing.

I can see his face. I can see his anger. My tears stream as I realise how mad he’s going to be. How he’s going to hurt me more.

“Conrad,” I cry. “Conrad.”

Those footsteps surround me and I can hear Xavier yelling, shouting, spewing out his anger like a volcano erupting.

I’m hauled up, I’m dragged out.

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