Page 149 of Deliria

“You think I’d willingly let you go? You think I’d just live my life without you?”

“What, what did you do?” I stammer.

He takes my hand, squeezing it gently, reassuringly.

“No,” I scream out, pulling myself free of his grasp. “No,”

My fists slam into his chest. My tears stream down my eyes. How could he do that? How could he be so stupid?

“Scarlett,” He soothes as if he’s the rational one here.

“You didn’t have to die,” I sob. “You didn’t have to. You could have walked away, you could have been free.”

“What freedom would I have had without you?” He snarls, grabbing my wrists, forcing me to stop fighting him so that I have to look him in the face. “What life would I have had? You were it. You were everything. Without you in my life, nothing would have made sense.”

I can’t answer him. Words fail to form. I just stare back dumbfounded.

I’m dead.

Rafe is dead.

“Is Alexander dead?” Did I imagine that? Was that just my wishful thinking conjuring up a nice happy ending before reality hit.

“Alexander is dead.” He confirms.

“Is he here? Is he in a room like this?” Panic hits me at the thought of that, of him, of us, of there being no escape whatsoever from him now.

Rafe lets out a laugh. “No, Little Bird. Alexander is not here. He’s exactly where he belongs.”

“In hell?” I whisper. I was never much of a believer, life seemed far too complex for the likes of good and bad, holy and unholy. Besides, what sort of redemption would there ever be for a person like me?

“As good as,” He says.

“What does that mean?”

“It means he’s getting the ending he deserves. As is my mother and my father.”

I give a small nod because it all feels too much to process. Too much to think about. I guess we can park that conversation for later because it’s not like we’ll have anything but time now. Or do we? Is this permanent? Is this place it, or is this some form of purgatory?

“Are we trapped here?” I ask. Is this what heaven is for us? A white room with nothing beyond it?

His lips curl and he shakes his head. “No, we can leave whenever we want.”

“So why are we still here then?”

“Because,” He says, planting a soft kiss on my lips, “I wanted you to have a moment, wanted you to have a little time to adjust.”

“Adjust,” I repeat, blinking slowly, trying to let it sink in that this is it, this is us. It could be worse, it could be so much worse. We could be trapped in that house; we could be trapped with Alexander and all the rest of them.

At least here, I’m no longer cold, no longer in pain. My dear husband shattered my jaw, didn’t he, but now it’s healed. Allthose teeth he knocked out are back like they were never gone. All those awful bruises, those cuts, all the abuse he inflicted on my body, it’s gone, healed. I look down at myself and realise, I look good. No, better than good.

I lift my eyes, staring back at Rafe. “What, what do we do now?” I half-whisper.

He takes my hand, his lips curling into the most beautiful of smiles and as he reaches for the door, he plants a teasing kiss on my lips.

“Now, we finally get to live.” He says before opening it for us both to walk through.

Live. I haven’t done that in such a long time. I’ve been existing, fighting battles I should never have had to face.

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