Page 151 of Deliria

She doesn’t blink, doesn’t move, doesn’t show any signs of life.

I lay her down, pinching her nose, opening up her airways and trying to breathe some oxygen into her. There’s still time. She’s not gone yet.

She’ll come back; she just needs a moment.

I push into her chest, pushing out the water that’s filled her lungs.

And I breathe another long deep breath. “Come on, Little Bird, come back to me, come back…”

My voice turns to a wail as the minutes pass.

She’s going to wake up. I know it. She’s going to sit up, and cough and then those beautiful blue eyes will meet mine and it’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay.

“Scarlett…”

Why isn’t she waking up?

Why isn’t she coming back?

“Don’t leave me. Please…” I don’t care how pathetic I sound; I don’t care how weak I sound. I just need her to hear. I need her to listen. To wake up. To make this all alright.

“Scarlett, please…” I bury my face in her neck. Even though she’s soaking wet, I can still smell her, I can still smell that sweet, intoxicating smell.

But she feels so cold. Too cold.

“Come on, baby, come on…”

I stroke her hair, stroke her cheek.

“Wake up, baby, please just wake up.”

But she doesn’t wake up. She doesn’t move.

She’s gone. I know it, I can feel it. She’s gone. My Scarlett is gone.

No.

I can’t lose her. I can’t. Not after everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve survived.

It’s not meant to end like this. Not meant to end with us separated, with her going somewhere I can’t follow.

“Scarlett,” I pull her right into my chest half-snarling, half-sobbing as it hits me that I’ve lost her. That she’s really gone. That I’ll never see her smile now, never hear her laugh, never be able to make up for all the awful things my family did to her.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

I shut my eyes, my hands grasping at her hair like it’s my last connection to her.

“Come back, baby, please, just come back.”

Why won’t she just wake? Why won’t she just take a breath?

My eyes dart about, trying to find something, anything that might fix it.

As they land on the discarded gun, a realisation hits me.

She might be gone, but that doesn’t mean I have to stay here. That doesn’t mean I can’t follow her.

I pull her body with me, haul us further up the rocks, and I reach for the revolver.

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