Page 11 of Synodic

Natalie looked at me as if I had just grown a third eye. “So what you’re saying is you sleepwalk?”

“I was holding a petal that was shining like the moon. How many of those do you see just lying around?”

Her face contorted in disbelief. “Let me get this straight. You think your dreams are actually happening then, like you’re transported somewhere?”

I nodded. “I can’t come up with any other explanation.”

“Have you ever considered that you might be delusional?”

“Actually, yes,” I acknowledged miserably as my shoulders slumped and I looked down at my hands folded feebly in my lap. Where was all that strength and determination from minutes ago with Rowen?

“Listen, it’s late and you’re tired. Why don’t you go back to bed? I’m sure once you get some rest, you’ll be able to think clearly again.”

I didn’t want to accept what she was telling me, but I knew she was right. Plus, she was eyeing me with a look reserved for those about to be committed.

I got up off her bed in a trance and began walking away. I’d just confided a secret so deep and tender, and Natalie had dismissed it as mere exhaustion or lunacy.

I desperately needed an ally to keep me tethered to earth, to my sanity, but it felt like a losing battle, one that I was waging all on my own. The implication of what was really going on in my mind was too much to think about. I was scared I was losing myself. That I was going too far down the rabbit hole to ever find my way back.

I barely remembered the walk to my room or putting myself in bed, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I knew no more.

* * *

For a split second, I felt rested and refreshed as my eyelids opened to the harsh light of the afternoon sun. Then, the memories of last night came flooding back: the resurfaced dreams, the sea of silver roses, my confession to Natalie.

All of these things should have sent me into a state of panic, but it was my interaction withhimthat I couldn’t shake.

For the first time, he had been close enough to touch me. And he had.

I felt it, could still feel it.

Unease pitted in my stomach as the memory of his touch rippled through me like a stone dropped into a stagnant pond.

After returning to bed, I’d had a dreamless sleep. I was upset I didn’t see Rowen again, to ask him more questions, but I was relieved to have finally gotten some rest, though it didn’t disguise the fact that my mind was getting out of hand. I needed to drop these dreams and forget about them as easily as I dropped that shining petal years ago. I couldn’t explain what happened that night, and I might never be able to.

For my own sanity, I needed to get a grip. Focus on reality. Not some crazy, beautiful, fictitious man spouting tales of me being hunted in a dying forest.

Two swift knocks on my door startled me out of my inner battle. “Come in,” I said, calming myself. There was no reason to be jumpy. No one was really after me.

The door slowly opened and Natalie peeked her head through, “Wow, you’re finally up! It’s past one, you know. You’ve been sleeping all day.” She stepped inside, and opened the curtains. “I wanted to let you know I got you some herbal sleep tea for tonight.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. It was a thoughtful gesture from a friend, but I knew now that she would never understand. Falling asleep wasn't the problem. It’s what happened once I got there.

“I thought it might help with, you know,” she said, gesturing to my entire body.

It stung, her implying all of me was tainted with the smudge of madness, but I supposed I was the sum of my parts. The nightmares in my head were affecting my whole body. Nothing felt right.

“Alright,” she said awkwardly, “I’m going to make some lunch. Come join me once you’re up.” She left my room, quietly closing the door behind her.

I let out a loud sigh, relieved she hadn’t questioned me further about last night, but before I could fully exhale, Natalie darted her blonde head back inside, and I almost choked. “Oh, and we’re going out tonight.”

“Wait, what?” How had she thought slipping that in at the last second would keep me from objecting? “I’m not really in the mood to go out.”

“If anything, you need to get out and let loose. Especially after last night.” She looked uncomfortable as she recalled my midnight bombardment of her room, spouting mad declarations of dreams come to life and mysterious roses. I couldn’t blame her. Itwasmadness.

“Harlan sent me a text. He got us into the grand opening of Prism!” She nearly screamed the last word in elation. “Said to do whatever it takes to get you to come.”

“When did you two start talking?” I asked in surprise, more curious about that than the actual event.

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