Page 30 of Synodic

He hadn’t even realized I had stopped responding to his touch, just as oblivious as ever. “Stop,” I said, making sure to enunciate the word.

“Come on, Keira. Really?” His hands stayed on me, one lightly tracing circles over my panties in entirely the wrong area, waiting for me to cave.

Had this type of behavior worked on me in the past? Had I always been this shallow? Had he? And why, all of a sudden had it started to bother me?

Whatever the reason, I cared now, and I wanted him off me.

“Really,” I said with dead-serious conviction. It didn’t matter how far along we were, I could say no at any point, and he needed to respect that.

His hands flew off me with an unbelieving scoff as I slid out from under him, refastening my jeans and adjusting my top.

Why had I not trusted my instincts? I knew I wanted to end things with Harlan, especially after Prism. Why had I talked myself out of it? I had always been a shiny accessory to him, just like everything else in his life. “We’re done.”

“I knew it,” he said, looking as if I just dumped an ice-cold bucket of water on him, equal parts annoyed, shocked, and offended. “I knew there was someone else. Someone else you are doing this for.”

“Yes,” I said, finally agreeing with him. “Me.”

* * *

This was it. The moment I finally lost it—the moment I chose the world beyond my closed eyelids over the life Harlan offered me.

I wanted to see Rowen again, learn the secrets that haunted him, and discover more about the dying parts of the forest.

I would be committed soon enough, wrapped in a straitjacket, drugs shoved down my throat. Even electroshock therapy wouldn’t be too out of the question.

I might as well lean in and enjoy every moment before it was all taken away from me. I couldn’t hide this forever. Eventually, people would notice. I had been fighting it for so long, what would be the harm in going along with it for a little while, giving in and surrendering to the madness?

The bellowing rational voice within me screamed and thrashed, refusing to accept that I had just lost my mind. But a smaller tentative voice told me I had just found it.

I went to sleep that night, determined to find Rowen and demand answers.

13

I opened my eyes, instantly hit with the panic of not knowing where I was.

This constant state of disorientation had come to be expected, though I doubted I’d ever get used to it. But I wondered: would it inevitably lead me down a shiny gold road to insanity, or did this all stem from a mind long planted with seeds of madness?

I guess it’s impossible to draw such a line through circles of infinite regress. Either way, I had already accepted the web of my own making last night when I ended things with Harlan. I remembered the indignant look on his face as I walked out the door. But now was not the time to dwell on the past.

As my senses expanded to my new surroundings, I noticed I was lying on a cushioned bed stacked with light-knitted blankets and pillows. A sheer white net canopied the mattress, enveloping me like petals around a pistil.

I looked beyond the netting to the wall in front of me, only to realize it wasn’t a typical wall at all but a wooden framework curving up and around me in a dome-shaped interior.

I was in some sort of earthy sphere.

My next startling realization was that I wasn’t alone. A man sat crouched in front of the bed, staring at me. Even though I had never seen him before, he looked relieved to see me awake.

I sat up with a gasp, frantically searching for anything that could be used as a weapon.

“My apologies, star-touched. I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said, tranquil as running water over smooth brook stones.

Something about him was familiar, but my mind struggled to pinpoint what. He was striking with his silken white hair and cool gypsum skin gleaming with sapphire undertones; I was sure that if I’d seen him before, I would have remembered.

What did he call me? And were his ears slightly pointed?

I’d have to unravel that later. Right now I needed to figure out what the hell was going on.

I was projecting the body language of a woman who would do whatever it takes to get out of here alive, but the quiet kindness emanating from the man’s dark eyes calmed and relaxed me.

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