Page 54 of Synodic

Rowen’s worried stare darted back and forth between Takoda and me. “There must be something else we can do to help her?” he implored, his eyes going wild. “Perhaps a Hymma ceremony?”

Takoda’s brows furrowed. “It will be exceedingly dangerous, although it might grant her the time and space she needs to become whole again. To find her home.”

Home? I realized I never really felt at home anywhere, not with my parents growing up, not with Natalie or Harlan—just always alone fighting a silent battle.

Despite those feelings, I still missed them and wanted to see them again. But Luneth was starting to feel like home too, at least for the short time I’d been here.

Not only was my body and soul tearing in two, but my heart and mind as well.

I nodded to Takoda, knowing I had to retrieve whatever essence of me was left behind. “I’ll try it,” I said, knowing I had no other choice. “I’ll try anything.”

“You should know that if this fails, you could be lost to us. Trapped in the void between worlds.”

My struggled breath hiccuped, but I understood his meaning—find myself or lose myself forever.

21

Takoda left to prepare the Hymma while I rested. The effects of the tea slowly calmed the rapid pace of my heart, and I closed my eyes.

Rowen sat beside me, his hand in mine, his thumb absentmindedly stroking the battering pulse at my wrist.

“Hymma ceremonies are considered to be sacred amongst the Wyn people.” His voice was low and soothing. “Only those who are well trained use this rite. It is known that one can receive great visions and inner reflections. Some have even claimed to hear echoes from the Elder Spirit’s themselves. While others have died trying.”

Unexpectedly, Rowen’s breath warmed the shell of my ear. “Keira,” he whispered, dipping his head ever so slightly to trace his nose along the curve of my jaw. “You have to come back to me.”

I felt the scratchy caress of his beard on my skin, then the featherlight press of his lips on my neck, and the simultaneous feeling of soft and rough was exquisite.

Half delirious, I traced my touch along the dark stubble of his beard. “I like this,” I hummed, feeling his scruff with the pad of my finger.

His eyes widened in surprise and he snatched my hand from his face, holding it between us. “Copeland, I—”

“It is time,” Takoda said, suddenly appearing through the circular door.

Without a word, Rowen scooped me up and carried me to a small geodesic structure made entirely of reflective crystal. The Hymma mirrored the outside world panel by panel, yet I avoided the sorry sight of myself in Rowen’s arms, focusing on the lunar phases adorning the round entrance in flakes of crushed stardust. The full moon hovered at the apex as gradual waxing and waning moons fell down either side of the arch like basins of emptying water.

Rowen carefully set me down, ensuring I was steady on my feet, but I swayed a little, and he grabbed my elbow to keep me stable. I pressed on with shaky legs, but Takoda stopped me short. “You must enter the Hymma same as the day you were born. No earthly possession may enter here.”

I hesitated a moment then looked down at my clothing, realizing his meaning, and began to unlace my vest. Both men turned from me as I undressed, but Rowen’s hand never left my elbow for support.

I quickly stepped out of my clothes and left them where they fell, trying not to notice all the weight and muscle I’d lost.

Naked as the day I was born, I entered a room of pitch-black nothing. Fear bristled up my spine, and I whirled around to leave, but Takoda’s face appeared in the sliver of the doorway. “You can do this,” he said as loosened wisps of white hair gently blew across his face. “Set your intention and have it be so.”

I nodded, finding strength and determination in his words. “I will.”

I turned back to the dark room, but as I inspected the space more closely, I realized it was anything but dark. It was as if I’d pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes and watched as the lights beyond my lids came to life. An ever-changing kaleidoscope of patterns and light thrummed against the darkness like a sentient being aware of my presence.

I sat down cross-legged in the center of the dome, mesmerized as the room came to life around me. The tea Takoda brewed helped significantly, but I still sensed I didn’t have much time until my mind completely strayed into the ether.

No longer sure if I was awake or asleep, a wooden flute began playing, and the entrancing melody flowed throughout my limbs. The rhythm harmonized with the beat of my pulse, attuning and grounding me to my body’s environment. Takoda’s words coursed through me like a river,set the intention.

I thought about my parents, along with Natalie and her horrid brown smoothies. I thought about the beautiful silver petal I lost all those years ago, and of all the times I’d been cocooned in my bed daydreaming of Rowen. I sank deeper and deeper into the memories, some happy, some painful, but all from the life I needed to return to.

I focused on emptying my thoughts, imagining them waning like the moons of the archway, mere basins of water slowly pouring out the white noise. I knew I was drifting, quickly now. My thoughts fell away like crystal droplets from the cloth of my mind.

I continued to sink deeper, my mind siphoning between two planes of existence like a thin stream of sand in an hourglass. I could no longer tell up from down, light from dark, corporeal from metaphysical.

I exhaled slowly, and forever happened.

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