Page 81 of Synodic

The very same silver of my changed eyes, of the once forgotten rose, of the moon and stars and galaxies.

Of me.

The haunted form of Maddock Mosa launched from me, flying flaccidly through the air before landing in a crumpled mess at the foot of the cave.

I knew there was no saving him.

So I turned and ran, and I didn’t look back.

* * *

I had no idea where I was running, it didn’t matter. I just kept plunging into the darkness, blinded by my pulse. This mindless adrenaline rush was the only thing keeping me from falling apart. I was already barely hanging on by a thread.

Too much had happened too quickly. I hadn’t processed or dealt with any of it, and now it was all crashing down on me with the weight of the sky. It was too much. I’d been pushed to my limit, and like a collapsing star, I was falling in on myself.

Hanging branches whipped at my face and arms, mushing me to run harder, farther, and faster, so I picked up my speed.

Some small part of me knew what I was doing was dangerous, running blindly into the pitch-black forest with no direction or knowledge of the terrain. But I was in a state of decline, running solely for survival. If I stopped now, I knew I would crumble.

Painful images flashed across my vision.

My mom concocting her mind-numbing narcotic. And Natalie in the kitchen, quickly peering over her shoulder, making sure I wasn’t around to see her adding the drug to my food.

The men at Prism who continued to touch and grope and lick even as I begged them to stop.

The kiss with Rowen that should have never happened.

Forest laiths hunting my scent. Maddock violating my mind. The silver power leaping from my body.

And Erovos with his blighted tree that somehow called my name.

My foot caught on an upturned root and my body lurched forward. All the speed I had accumulated worked against me as I crashed to the ground, hard, taking a few violent tumbles before I lay still in the leaves and bramble.

I was vaguely aware I may have twisted my ankle, but I was too consumed with the violent shudders raking through my body. All the pain and heartache I’d been outrunning had finally caught up with me.

It hurt. Everywhere. The pain found me in every in-between space that held this body together. If this was what it was to feel, I didn’t want it, any part of it. There were too many cracks to hold myself together, a broken dam of my emotions drowning me.

Rowen was suddenly beside me, swiftly gathering me up in his powerful arms and holding me close. I forgot he was even here, I must have run right past him. It’s not like he could have caught me if he wanted to, but I didn’t even remember him calling after me.

Maybe he hadn’t. Perhaps he knew I needed to run, to forget, to remember. Tofeel. So he simply let me go.

He was on the ground, cradling me against his body, gently rocking me back and forth. It was in that moment the floodgates fully burst and I sobbed into Rowen’s chest. I was feeling every single suppressed emotion, betrayal, and wound from my past. Everything that had been pushed down, smothered, or ignored, fought to be felt. And I did, I felt it all.

And it was excruciating.

It was ugly and messy and loud. Not to mention wet: I completely soaked Rowen’s shirt through to his warm skin.

For however long I was lost in my sobs, Rowen held me and stroked my hair without uttering a single word. He didn’t have to.

I cried and cried until my voice was hoarse and there were no more tears left to spill.

29

I woke three days later.

30

“Three days?” I asked aghast, repeating Takoda’s words back to him. My voice raspy from lack of use.

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