Page 60 of Absolution

“No,” I mutter.

She turns and walks off, leaving me alone on the steps, nausea and shame curling in my gut.

This is the world I brought my daughters to.

Jesus.

What the fuck was I thinking?

Once I feel like myself again, I head inside to find my father. He hasn’t moved much. Only now, the same waitress is perched in his lap.

I march right up to him.

“Something came up,” I say tightly. “I have to go back.”

He starts to protest, but I’ve already turned around.

“Son-” he calls out, trailing me.

At the front desk, I’m mid-sentence asking for a car when he walks up.

“It’s alright, Harry,” he says to the concierge. “I’ll drive him.”

I say nothing, just follow him out.

The drive is quiet at first, thick with everything we’re not saying. Until I can’t take it anymore.

“How can youdothis?” I ask, staring out the window.

He doesn’t answer. Just pulls over onto the shoulder and kills the engine.

Then he turns in his seat.

“You know,” he says calmly, “I have had enough of your holier-than-thou attitude.”

I stare at him, startled.

“You may not like it, son, but youarejust like me.”

That hits like a punch. I open the door and step out. He follows.

Cars rush past us on the road. Wind whips at our shirts.

“Howthe fuck am I like you?” I ask, spinning to face him.

He doesn’t blink. “Look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t stepped out on your marriage.”

I glance away. “That’s different.”

“No, son. It’snot.” He steps closer, lowering his voice. “It’s exactly the same. You had an excuse, just like me. You needed her. She wasn’t there. You felt alone. Boo hoo.”

His words are poison, but they sink in all the same. He leans in, practically nose to nose.

“I never wanted to marry your mother. It was an arrangement. She didn’t want it either, but she was raised to say yes. So, we made a deal. I do what I want, she does what she wants. The only difference? She’s good at hiding it.”

I stare at him, stunned. Mouth falling open. I never once considered…

“Marsha taught you manners,” he adds. “But she didn’t teach youaccountability.” And then, like a final knife: “Does your wife know? Or does she still think you’re the good guy she married?”

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