Page 109 of Falling Princess

Bloody fantastic. We’re getting into bed with criminals to fight off other criminals. This seems like a bad strategy. Yet I’m in no position to judge, as I’m not privy to the details.

“I’ll have a talk with my father about excluding me.” If I can get his attention long enough. We’re here for four days. I’ll look for a moment to make the case that I’m not a child who needs protecting, but a crucial part of the fight to save Auralia.

If my father were to fall or become incapacitated, I’m the only one who can pick up the pieces. It’s unwise to leave me in the dark, a point I intend to make to him.

If only my past behavior didn’t undercut my argument for greater inclusion in our strategic planning. I have no one else to blame for the fact that my father thinks I’m too irresponsible to contribute meaningfully. He’s afraid I’ll cripple his carefully-laid plans with a careless public comment.

Back in Beijing, his concerns might have been warranted. Yet in sheltering me from the truth, he made it impossible for me to choose wisely. An eighteen-year-old wanting to engage in legal drinking and a bit of dancing isnormal. I had no reason to expect Skía outside our home country. I’d never have knowingly risked anyone’s life for a night of fun, or for any other reason.

Now, I’m keenly aware of how much is at risk.

It seems I’m belatedly growing into my hereditary role. I wonder how much of it I owe to Lorcan’s influence. Difficult to justify sulking over your lack of freedom when you’re constantly accompanied by a man whose dedication to your country’s cause far outweighs your own.

* * *

Our new gowns remained at the shop for hemming and minor tailoring, which meant we returned to the hotel with bags of accessories that belied the outrageous sum of money we spent. Raina breezily handed the receipts over to Cata, who quirked one eyebrow.

“Must be one hell of a dress, Zosia.”

“It is,” Lorcan said. Then, with a sheepish glance at Raina, “Both of them are.”

“In another life, I’d have been a fashion designer. Alas, you’re stuck with a pre-med princess who likes to shop.” Raina dropped her packages onto the bed. Cata’s blue eyes bounced between Lorcan and me. My face burned.

“I hope you brought a suit for this conference. It’s not all ball gowns and dancing,” she reminded us.

“Classic navy and a more eye-catching burgundy tweed,” Raina replied, opening the closet door and waving her arm like a game show hostess. My black sheath dress and jacket hung next to her outfits like the sad ghosts of fashion past.

“You’ll make me look downright dumpy.”

“We can always go shopping,” Raina shot back, brightly. I groaned.

“Black is classic. It’s a bunch of bankers and economists; Zosia will blend right in,” Cata said.

True. Not worth stressing over fashion when the only people to impress are middle-aged, married guys. I did take extra time to blow-dry my hair, and let Raina do my makeup.

“I, um, Raina? Thank you. For the dress.”

She examined my face and dusted powder over my cheek without meeting my eye.

“I told you last winter he liked you,” she said, almost to herself. “I’m trying to be happy for you both. I wish I was the one he wanted, but I’m not. There’s no reason for all three of us to be miserable. You seem more open to the idea of him than you were last year.”

“I am,” I confessed, and it felt good to be able to acknowledge it. “My father isn’t.”

“Lucky for you, our dads are close friends. If you really love him, and aren’t just toying with Lorcan because you can’t date anyone else—I’ll speak with him about it. Between him, Cata, and me I’m sure we can bring Rohan around to the idea.”

I’m less certain, but I’m willing to try.

“I think so.” It’s so hard to know. I feel strongly about Lorcan but I’d rather not have to make such a momentous decision under pressure. Once again, I wish I’d had a few practice boyfriends to figure this out. To figuremyselfout.

“Raina.” I took her face between my palms. “I’m sorry.”

Her violet eyes misted.

“Take good care of him, Zosh.” She hugged me, hard.

* * *

Raina, Kenton and Bashir spent most of their time raiding the cheese plates and charcuterie boards, or chatting up members of the press.

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