Page 13 of Falling Princess

“Explain to me, Zosia, what it is you find so objectionable about Sir Lorcan.”

I cringed at the appellationsir.

“He exists.”

To my intense relief, my father’s eyes crinkled at the corners. His belly jiggled with suppressed laughter.

I smiled for the first time since Beijing.

“You don’t have to like him. Ignore him if you must. You needn’t treat him any differently from your other servants. I am not asking you to be friendly with the man. Goddess knows Raina is more than friendly enough.”

“Is that why you selected him?” I asked carefully. Diplomacy is always a factor in his decision-making. “He isn’t eventallenough to join the royal guard.” Guards are required to be a minimum of 185 centimeters tall. Over six feet, in the Imperial system.

My father laughed, out loud this time.

“True. I cannot simply add him to the retinue without slighting otherwise qualified candidates, and yet I must do something for the boy. I chose Lorcan over your objections because he has proven his worth to Cata—”

“Cata?” I interjected.

“Yes. She trained him. Didn’t you know?”

My father smirked.

“I did not.” I avoid knowing anything about Lorcan if I possibly can. Clearly, that will not be an option going forward. “When? How?”

My father’s humor expanded into a full belly laugh. “Not so indifferent now, are you, Zosia?”

It took me several seconds to process what he was implying. Once I did, I scowled. Heat scalded my cheeks. “I was only surprised because Cata doesn’t train anyone idly.”

As the leader of the Covari, to my knowledge, she doesn’t train anyone at all, never mind an outsider.

“I thought he lived at River Bend with Raina’s people,” I added, to show I’m not a total ignoramus.

“He did, for a while. Lorcan had an unusual upbringing. You asked why I selected him, and now you shall know my reasoning. He has been known to me for some time, first through Raina’s father, then through Cata.

“Lorcan’s father’s death was unfortunate. I acted in haste and had cause to regret the severity of the punishment I meted out in the wake of your mother’s passing.” A shadow fell over his craggy features. I favor my mother except for the color of my eyes, a light green, exactly the same shade as his. Cat eyes, minus the slitted pupils.

“How did Lorcan’s father die?” I asked, unsure whether I wanted to know.

“By his own hand.”

I gasped. It isn’t unheard of, but it’s rare in Auralia. I’ve known the temptation myself, dark whispers from the farthest corners of my psyche.You’re not good enough. You will never be free of this burden; death is one choice youcanmake.I’ve never known anyone who actually went through with it, though.

Nor would I dare to speak the worddepressionout loud. Not even to Raina.Especiallynot to Raina—she would tell someone and then there’d be consequences for something I can’t control anyway. I know Saskaya suspects. She’s seen my internet search history. I wonder if she ever reported it to my father.

Probably not. If she had, I’d know.

“After the Skía attack that took your mother’s life, I stripped Sir Armand of his knighthood. Rather than accept the demotion, he fell upon his own sword. Lorcan’s mother took him and his sister back to Tenáho, but he didn’t stay. He’s been on a mission to restore his father’s honor ever since.”

This is a darker and more compelling history than I ever thought possible. Raina never mentioned it. Probably because whenever she talks about her beau, I zone out.

“I tell you this, Daughter, because I carry my own guilt. I hope to make amends for the actions I took in my anger and grief by giving Sir Armand’s son the opportunity he seeks. You are simply—”

“The vehicle. Collateral.” Like always. An object. Not a person.

“I was going to say a symbol. Entrusting the son with my daughter’s life is as close as I can come to making a public apology.”

I might as well be one of the statues of Goddess Auralia.

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