Surely I need some practice before I start making consequential decisions for an entire nation?
Abruptly, I realized I was being rude again. Lorcan probably wants to wash up, too. When I got out and dressed, Cata made a fuss over the scrape on my knee.
“It’s my own fault; a plaster is all I need,” I protested, to no avail. She set a bowl of stew in my hands and steered me to the sofa to eat. It’s warm, cozy, and comforting. All things I need, but they’re no substitute for Lorcan. One flight of stairs away already feels too far. It’s very unsettling.
“I have to make a call. I’ll be back soon.” Cata bustled out of the room. My stomach sank. I set my dinner on the coffee table. I’m sure she’s reporting to my father, who will be furious with me.
Ten minutes later, Lorcan appeared, his hair damp and dressed in clean clothing. I couldn’t decide whether to sink into the cushions and disappear or kiss him. Definitely not the latter. Both seemed equally humiliating, so all I did was pick up my bowl and try to eat again.
“Hi,” he said, a bit shyly, and tucked his knees under him at the opposite end of the sofa. It’s still too early for sleep, even though it’s dark outside.
“I really am sorry. About everything.”
He laughs in an almost inaudible huff. “Define, ‘everything’.”
Goddess, where to begin. “Saturday, to start. I had no right to be angry with you.”
Lorcan’s features smoothed into a placid mask. “That’s not entirely true.”
“You were trying to protect me. From myself. Because I have the world’s worst instincts, apparently.”
There’s something he wants to say, but doesn’t. I see it in the way his mouth falls open for a second, then closes as though he’s biting back the words and carefully replacing them. “It wasn’t my place. I interfered when I shouldn’t have.”
“It just sort of happened. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t even really enjoy the experience.” An entire swarm of dragonflies lurched in my stomach. Saturday is not where I should have started.
“That’s too bad,” Lorcan replied, softly.
“Cata says it’s how things usually go.” Although, now that I’m thinking back, she only said she couldn’t remember the boy’s name. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed it.
If you’d told me a week ago that I’d be voluntarily discussing my first kiss with my appointed knight on Cata’s sofa, I’d have said you were delusional. Yet, here we are. The entire world has tilted on its axis. My cheeks went hot with embarrassment.
“If anyone should enjoy their first kiss, it’s you, Princess.”
A weight lands on my chest, crushing the air out of me. “I see no reason why that should be true. I’m no different from any other girl.”
He shot me a brief sideways glance. As if to say,bullshit.
“Did you enjoy your first kiss?”Oh, please let Auralia strike me down.Right this instant. What iswrongwith me?
Everything. Everything is wrong with me.
Lorcan didn’t meet my eyes, but he did answer. “Immensely.”
“Lucky you.” Then, reverting to my customary snarkiness, “As always.”
He smirked. It’s both annoying and adorable. At least it feels a little more normal between us all of a sudden. I’m not convinced he has a crush on me, but there is definitely a flirty game of eye tag happening. Whenever I look at him, Lorcan finds anything else in the room fascinating. The instant I look away, I feel his eyes on me again. But I can’t catch him at it.
“Does that mean you’re coming back to school?” he asked.
“I suppose I ought to swallow my pride and finish the year. Dropping out and making you lose your scholarship is hardly the way to repay you for risking your life today.” I try to make it lighthearted, but the joke falls flat. “You don’t need to worry about being made to leave on my account.”
“That’s not what I was worried about,” he said. “I’m happy to have the opportunity. But if you leave, I’m going with you.”
There’s a finality in his tone that stuns me into silence.
Lorcan rose in a fluid motion. He’s in soft pants and a T-shirt, his hair still damp, barefoot. Flutters in my stomach again.Stop that,I ordered. It had no effect.
“Why?” I demanded incredulously. “Why would you give up an education here to follow a spiteful, spoiled princess back home to sulk in her castle?”