Page 81 of Falling Princess

“How long was I in the Temple?” I asked.

“At least forty minutes. I was debating whether to come find you when you came out.”

“Huh. Better than last year. My father will be...less disappointed in me than usual. I hope.”

Lorcan’s eyes were ice daggers. I don’t know why he’s angry with me. It’s not exactly my choice to go in there. But he’s the true believer; I’ve revealed myself as a failure of an avatar. I doubt he’ll ever bring up the goddess thing again, after today.

“How long, last year?”

“Maybe fifteen minutes? My father was furious with me. He tried to send me back in but I wouldn’t go.”

Lorcan’s jaw tightened.

“My mother used to go in for hours,” I explained. “So did my grandmother and aunt. There must be something to the old legends. They claimed the water was warm.” My smile faded. “Imagine my surprise the first year I had to perform the ritual.”

Thus began the cycle of pressure and failure that I’ve struggled with ever since. That first year, so solemnly determined to do well by my mother’s memory, prayers dutifully memorized, I went in fully expecting the water to be warm. Ten-year-old Zosia believed with all her heart in a loving Goddess and Her infinite power. I was certain She would reward my faith as She had my forebears.

I was wrong. So wrong.

If I hadn’t screamed when I jumped into the pool, I likely would have drowned. I was shocked into blind, flailing panic. The priests and priestesses accompanying me dragged me out, coughing and choking.

I thought it was my fault. My belief simply wasn’t strong enough. I returned the next summer, hopeful that this time She would see my worth and that it wouldn’t be so painfully terrible. It was. I finally got the point: either there was no goddess, or I wasn’t a good enough representative of one to warrant her intervention.

We made it back to the meadow at dusk. Lorcan quickly built another fire and laid out two bedrolls, side-by-side.

“You wanted to try camping, Princess. While this isn’t where I had planned to do it, I’m glad we have the bedrolls.”

“Score one for Zosia.” I pumped my fist. My knight chuckled, a relief, after the tense silence on our hike down. I was embarrassed about my poor performance on the mountain. I’m embarrassed that he had to see me naked. I’m not at all embarrassed that he laid next to me inside the bedroll for a while, though. That was so nice. It almost makes the whole ordeal worthwhile. Almost.

When we return to Scotland, I’ll have to be extra careful around him. Especially with Raina to consider. I can’t read anything into the hours we spent spooning naked in a cocoon of fur and silk. It can live in my heart as the one good memory I’ll ever have from this place.

If I’m being honest, though, itwasmildly disappointing to know for certain that my naked body had no discernible effect on the state of his arousal.

I truly am deluding myself. Along with being wildly inappropriate.

Lorcan steamed wild rice and herbs with salt in a little pot over the campfire while he was away, leaving me to stir it occasionally. I overheard him checking in with my father and Cata. Getting reliable satellite signal isn’t hard when you’re up above the rock rim of the island.

He returned with a freshly killed mouse deer on a stick. I guess he didn’t want me to see him kill and skin it, which I was thankful for. The poor mouse deer—whichisa deer, a very small one; we don’t have rodents in Auralia—went onto a spit and turned rather unappetizingly, roasting. It would be off-putting if I weren’t ravenous and it didn’t smell so good.

I abandoned all my manners and devoured my food. Lorcan glanced over at me with a bemused half-smile on his face, lit by flickering firelight.

“What?” I asked, with my mouth full.

“Nothing.”

Nothing, my ass. He was laughing at me for stuffing my face like a glutton. I guess you expend a lot of energy trying to warm up after a death-defying bath on a mountain. “Next time, I’ll toss you into the pond. You’re the believer, after all.”

Lorcan relented and answered me. “You’re not afraid to eat.”

“You’re one to talk. Must be nice to have the metabolism of a hummingbird.” I bit around a piece of bone and swallowed. “Why would anyone be afraid to eat?”

“Some women think it’s unladylike to have a proper meal. Especially in front of men.”

I set aside my empty dish. “If men don’t like me eating, they’re probably not going to like my leadership, or my speaking my mind, either. It’s a simple way to weed out the weak. But thank you for making me self-conscious, now. I shall come to you for all my dating etiquette needs in the future. If I ever have any.”

Lorcan studied the fire.

“I’ve been an obstacle to you in that sense,” he said quietly. “At school.”

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