Page 94 of Of Blooming Embers
My pulse slammed against my scar, and my blood squeezed through my veins as if a string was constricting the wild muscle thrashing behind my ribs, trying to cut its way through the meat of it. Seryn’s hand pressed against her sternum.
His arm flung out in my direction, words tumbling from him freely. Desperation and agony contorted his face.
Seryn said something, her shoulders slumping, fists clenched.
Kaden looked like a cornered animal, his eyes darting, searching for a way out.
She held up her hand and then left him there.
Listlessly, Seryn wrapped her arms around her middle, shoulders imploding, eyes hollow and burrowing into mine.
Time stopped. I held my breath.
And the look she gave me—it stabbed into my gut and tore its way through my hopes and dreams of our future. The look she gave me indicated I’d broken my vow. That the Ancient of Nightmares would steal me away from this most sacred of places.
Because I’d done it again.
I’d shattered her heart.
And I felt every jagged piece as it carved through mine.
36
THERE’S ALWAYS A CHOICE
SERYN
I’d gone to Kaden to check on him, to rebuild our friendship stone by stone.
But it was going terribly wrong.
He was trying to hurt me, lashing out becausehewas hurting. The splinters of his pain wedged between my ribs.
“Gavrel and I … We’re taking things day by day. Two turns ago, we’d beensomething. I think you know that.”
Kaden’s mouth pulled taut, jaw jutting forward. “I suspected. Well, I wish you all the luck—I’ll even toss in a prayer to Tyche, just for you. Glad to have been your training dagger.”
I flinched as if he’d slapped me. “That isn’t fair, Kade. I miss you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I … I don’t want to lose you.”
“I told you then, what happened between us—how I felt—was on me. I know it, but it’ll take me some time to process … everything. You don’t have to keep going on about it.” He crossed his arms.
“I want to be here for you and to know that we’ll be all right.” I putmy hand on his wrist, and he dropped his arms so that he slipped through my fingers.
“Ser, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” The clover hue of his eyes sparked as he sighed. “Do you want to know that I’m pissed off? That I’m confused? That you picked him? That my fucking heart is a sieve, and I’m drowning in my own bloody resentment and regret. Ancients damn it!” he barked.
A few citizens looked our way, and I tucked some strands behind my ear. Panic and anger bubbled in my belly. My breaths were short and desperate as my lungs constricted.
I inhaled, digging my nails into my palms.
Enough.
“I care about you. I know you’re hurting. I’d give anything to take that from you. But I’m done apologizing for what I feel. And if you recall, you asked that very thing of me not too long ago,” I retorted. “Or was that a lie?”
His head jerked back as if I’d struck him. Mouth pursing, he whipped his arm toward Gavrel. “He’s the liar—the one youchose. But the joke’s on you because you never even had a choice. Just like my parents. And you’ll die for it.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, fingers stretching irritably as my heartbeat pounded against my nape.
“It’s bloody true. Now that I remembereverything.” Closing his eyes, he let out a hard sigh. He pushed his palms over his brow and through his messy hair and then flung his arms down.
