Page 63 of Reflections of Silence

I had no control over what Amy was doing to me with my own body. It was the grossest form of invasion.

Hands wrapped tight in ribbon, my wrists and neck battled for the honor of which was trussed tightest. I tried to swallow and couldn’t; saliva dribbled from my lips as Amy departed, her laugh tinkling in my ears. I pitched face first into a lump of bedclothes.

Unable to get a breath in or out, the ribbon cut into my throat as my hands drew it ever tighter. The soft, silver ribbon became a garrote that sliced into my wrists. Tears streamed from my eyes, wetting the already uncomfortable hot mass of sheets and quilts.

Why would she kill me? Because of Sebastian? Questions I thought we’d already answered swirled in my mind, my eyes watering with the heat of my face. If I didn’t choke to death in my own bile and saliva on the ribbon, I’d asphyxiate, stuck in the swath of material I’d tumbled into.

What a sight I must make, rump in the air, face pressed down on the bed. Sebastian would find me a sight, I was sure. And perhaps he would be relieved. My mind numbed, along with my wrists, and my throat. A serenity stole over me, and I let my eyes flutter closed. In this, as with him, I let my body and mind submit.

You trained me too well, husband.

I managed a brief smile at my state of deshabille, and sank into nothingness.

I THINK NO SUCH THING!

Hands gripped my ribs with force, tossing me onto my back. I blinked lazy eyes, staring into the pale face that wouldn't quite come into focus. Something humorous about one man finding me in his bed with another crossed my mind, but it was gone before I could process it. My eyes drifted shut again.

“Goddamn you, Gella! Let go of this—letgo. Gella. You have to let go.” Fear mingled in a cold rage that coated his words, but it was the former that drew me back to him.

Fear for…me?

I blinked at the tugging on my fingers, trying to look down but everything was stuck. Sebastian slid into focus above me, and I marveled at him.So beautiful.

Thank you, but let’s get you freed first, love. Then we can deal with the pleasantries.

His victory rolled through me as the ribbon was stripped away from my hands, torn from my throat. With it, mobility returned, and my body was once again under my own control. Amy’s presence dropped far distant from my mind. I beamed my gratitude as my fogged brain was certain I should for a single second.

Then, sensation returned.

Pain burst at every point in my hands, my fingers stabbed with a thousand needles. I gasped on my back, flopping to bring air into my flattened throat, a displaced fish with no pond to rescue me. He rolled me onto my front, and I fell into the bedclothes once more. In less than a second, panic set in.

I thrashed in the tangle of sheets, heat rushing into my face again. I couldn’t breathe. Sebastian hauled me upright, holding me away from his body as I gulped air.

“You’re all right, Gella. It’s okay.” His fingers hovered between my wrists and throat but never touching.

I imagined the marks torn into my skin. Blessedly, a numbness stole over the areas, and I rasped in thin draws of air. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into him this time, but still cautious of my neck. I burrowed into him, glad of his scent, of the safety his embrace offered.

“What happened?” He cupped my elbow, drawing me back. “Gella? Do you not want to…be here?” His tone guarded, he surveyed me with a critical eye.

“Don’t look,” I wheezed, “I’m a mess.”

“You’re beautiful. But why?” His eyes turned hard, his face like granite.

“What?” I gaped, glad to be able to move as I pleased. Something deep inside me quailed at the thought she might be back, to ruin me further, but I pushed the thought aside to address later. “Do you think I did this myself?”

He gestured to the bedclothes; the ribbon lumped in a tangle upon itself. I recoiled from the thing in horror, tears pricking my eyes as he allowed me to burrow back into him.

Gella. If you can’t tell me, will you show me?

I nodded miserably into his shirt, tears blotting the thin material, and slid my head to the side, despite the deep ache in my neck. Things not so physical hurt inside me; the surface wounds were the least of my worries.

He sucked in a breath above me, his fingers sliding into my hair, his touch tender as he kissed my skin. Working in slow steps, he dipped his head, lips pressing gently, oh so gently, against the wound I hadn't made. Or maybe I had, with my struggles. I waited for the sharp pain of his bite, but he soothed the wound with his tongue, cradling me to him as he took me back through the last few minutes, though it had felt so much longer.

I watch the events of the last moments—what could have beenmylast moments—dispassionately. Numbness drenched my soul.

My memories slid across my vision that I knew he shared, a live stage play of my own life. Every word Amy had said came out spoken, as though she’d said the word out loud, not lodged inside the dark edges of my mind.

Through it, Sebastian held me to him, his lips pressed to my skin as he took the smallest amount from me. When I watched his hands touch my waist, he squeezed me, raising his head. The memory disappeared in a rush, and with it, a finality of sorts settled into my awareness.

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